Dating - advice re texting and third date please

[Ash2345f]

I went out with a guy probably over two weeks ago now the date went well we then went on a 2nd date last Sunday which also went well. Texting has been consistent from the guy since and also quite frequent however when I’ve mentioned a third date in a jokey way he has never come back to me. At this point I thought right he’s not interested in perusing this so I was trying to let things fizzle out naturally but he texts me every morning saying morning and then when I haven’t responded by say the night he will text me asking how my day has been etc making conversation which to me shows interest.

Hes due to go on holiday end of next week so I’m not sure if he is just keeping me hanging there for when he gets back or is seeing someone else too and keeping me there in case that doesn’t work you know how it goes with online dating.

Anyway my question to you all is I don’t want a pen pal and as much as I like speaking to him I want a physical date or what is the point. Do I leave it another day or do I text back tonight saying, do you want to see me again before you go away or do you see things more as friends? Or do I just wait and see what happens over the coming days?

I did also suggest meeting Saturday but he wasn’t free.

I tend to think that unless there's a good reason and it's a one off - like being ill, or a prior holiday- then less than once a week isn't really enough to keep interest up, so I get the penpal analogy.
I think no harm in being direct and asking if he's likely to be free at any point prior to his holiday. If he's not, keep your options open. A breezy, no prob in reply, then dial back the communication and expect not to be chatting while he's away. Hopefully by the time he comes back you'll have other dates lined up whether he contacts you or not.

Thanks I just don’t want it to appear desperate as the third date comment was made by me on Saturday. Don’t know if I’m just thinking too much into it, as I’m not desperate just would rather know sooner rather than later instead of wasting my time with the messaging daily.

If he wanted a third date I suspect he would have said by now. I would not be messaging daily just to keep his ego afloat. Use your time wisely and either he ups his game or you move on. I would text him back tonight to see when he would like to meet up again. No third date = no more messages.

Nope you’re being benched. If he was interested he wouldn’t be skipping weekends and giving another guy chance to swoop in. He’d be getting the next date booked in asap. The texting is just an easy way of keeping you on the hook incase he’s bored/ horny at some point and nothing more exciting comes along. Block and delete.

If he wanted a third date with you he would have made it very clear.

no answer is an answer.

move on from this loser.

He’s got you on the bench…are you just going to wait around for your spot to open up?

If a man wants you it will be very clear, he doesn’t want you but of course he likes the attention. You are not the one for him, if you were - he wouldn’t risk losing you. Block him and move on. There are other men who will act correctly with you.

"I don’t want a pen pal and as much as I like speaking to him I want a physical date or what's the point"

I'm quite direct, but I would say this to him when he strikes up the next evening conversation. Then if he's not swift to organise one you don't waste any more time texting.

If he's had over a week to mention a third date and just said busy last Saturday ( what of Friday or Sunday?) Then he probably won't make himself available before his hol. Take that as time to move on and just don't bother texting back if you hear from him again, or say you've moved on.

If someone isn’t suggesting a time and a place to meet up at this point, you need to move on.

I had this last week. Met a guy in a pub, talking for two weeks, date never materialised but messages everyday seeming interested, so told him penpal wasn't for me. It was tough but he never chased and so there was my answer!

Yes, like pp I would actually respond with ‘I don’t need a pen pal’ or similar, rather than ‘when can we meet up?’ as then I would feel I wasn’t being desperate, just honest and he can still ask you out then if he really wants to. Urgh I hate this modern life and all its text text text (old and married but went through all this shit at a time when people still met up and, you know, shagged and stuff😉).

This

It’s all very odd I’m so straightforward with things if I message someone consistently and send them photos etc I’m interested in them. Why can men not reciprocate that life would be much easier I’ll just let it fizzle out and leave the direct text as I absolutely want to avoid looking like I’m desperate and or feeding his ego further

Because men are generally happier than women to have sex with people they don’t really like so it’s worth their while keeping a few on the hook with some low effort texting.

Yeah id just stop replying.

If he was keen he would have suggested an alternative day or said 'sorry, I'd love to but am completely flat out until my trip. Dinner when I'm back?'.

Some men seem to like having someone handy for text or phone company with no intention of progressing things in real life. It's why I got quite strict about no more than one call before meeting then very limited calls until things were established or I wanted to. Some would be gassing away for hours every night otherwise.

Yer thanks everyone he messaged me this morning saying morning etc I’ve politely replied but going to leave it now if he texts anymore I think if he does like me he would call this out if not it’s fizzled out naturally which is good as we will see each other as we have mutual friends

@Ash2345f just replying to him tells him you’re willing to be an option. Find someone that treats you as a priority.

Honestly I would just be direct with this guy - particularly as you have mutual friends I think you really need to know where you stand - and don't let him keep you on a loose rope.
The fact that he didn't suggest an alternative day when he said he was busy indicates he can't really be bothered in my opinion - but personally I hate the slow fade/fizzle out so I'd have to be blunt.
Ask him direct - Do you want to meet in person before you go on holiday? If he answers vaguely or a no then I'd tell him he wasn't what you were looking for and tell him no need to keep texting.

Asked him directly he straight away said he didn’t realise he was giving those vibes and arranged a date for Friday so see how it goes !