Discussing your relationship with your kids

[WinkyTinky]

There is another thread about living separately in the same house, which is the situation I am in and have been for years, our marriage being pretty much dead for years. Our kids are 16 and 12 and have never really seen any affection between their mum and dad, which is obviously very sad. At what point is it ok to have a talk to them to make sure they're aware that this is not a normal relationship? Should you ever discuss your marriage with your kids? They clearly notice the lack of togetherness, it's like the elephant in the room, but I feel as if I shouldn't put our problems on to them by discussing it. I just want them to absolutely not follow our example, and I hope they find love and happiness for themselves in healthy relationships. I realise that living in limbo isn't doing anyone any good and that the situation needs to be resolved, but in the meantime is it best to say anything or not? I feel I might not have made the sense I was going for, my mind is in a total scramble tbh.

If you begin telling them that your relationship is unhappy and isn’t normal then the next question they’ll need the answer to is, so why do you stay? And there’s no way to respond to that without lumbering them with a whole lot of guilt that they are the reason for you living with such unhappiness.

If you’re at the stage of considering just living together as housemates in the same house then presumably you’ve already agreed that your relationship is over and there are just the final steps to moving out and on? It’s far better to formalise that and tell the children as much than to pretend you’re still a couple.

I think the problem is that this is all they have known, it's not a new situation due to some kind of crisis or arguments, we've just muddled along as housemates for years. I just don't know how to approach the conversation.