He emotionally abused me and monkey branched, please tell me it won’t work!

[Littleloss]

My ex partner of nearly 3 years is now 41 years old, he emotionally abused me (slowly), I’m a shell of myself. And he monkey branched and “left me” (he didn’t he was lining her up but telling me he wanted to be with me, until we both had had enough).

anyway she is 28. I know age is but a number, but she’s so young, he’s divorced and has a kid, he even said to me they didn’t have anything in common. She was emotionally vulnerable after a bad break up and he took advantage of that to start flirting with her.

it doesn’t even matter, but I don’t want it to work between them, because it would somehow lesson the blow to me. Thoughts on the age gap or him and her generally?

It's not that big an age gap.

Wrong of him to line up a new gf before finishing with you but you are probably better off without him if he was emotionally abusive. I don't know what monkey branched means. But I would cut all contact and block them on social media and let them get on with it whilst being thankful you are well rid.

Feel pity for her, not jealousy. And then don't think about her any more. It's just another way to think about him, and that's feeding the effects of the abuse, when want you want to do is starve it out. It does take a long time to get over emotional abuse, but you will stop caring in this way eventually. If you're feeling stuck have you tried any kinds of therapy? Are you no contact?

Thanks, yes I’m speaking to a therapist and yes no contact. I know it’s a long road, therapist said trauma bonding 🙁

Why are you seeking out people's thoughts on this? You will perpetuate his presence in your life, even if he has no part in it. Work towards not engaging with thoughts of him, rather than deliberately starting conversations about him and his new relationship. Work towards him being an irrelevance to you, and conversations about anything but your own life, or the lives of those you have mutual respect with, are just a bore.

You'll get there. Trauma bonding is harder to get over than actual healthy love I think, because it's messed with your sense of self so deeply, but once you're clear of it you'll feel so free and grounded. For me things started to change quite quickly after the 3 year mark. I hope you find the same. But yes, muster all your willpower to not engage with thoughts about whatever the dickhead is doing now. His thoughts are irrelevant.