Online dating/sleeping with numerous people at once..

[givemesomewine]

Hi,

So I've been on 5 dates with a guy through online dating.
They've all been lovely dates, we get on so well..
so we had the conversation about whether we are dating others..

He is dating others, which I'm okay with at the moment as it's very early days.
However, I asked if he's also sleeping with others and he said 'I'm not sleeping with all my dates, no' soooo.. he's sleeping with some? One? Nearly all of them? There might be 1/2/3 there might be 10 I have no idea.
So now I feel I'm just a number.. he said the other dates he's been on don't compare to ours, and that he genuinely has a lovely time with me but it's too soon to be exclusive.. to which I agree but maybe telling me what I want to hear?

I know some men and women see sex differently, but for me I can understand going for a drink with someone and establishing if are interested. But sleeping with numerous women.. hmm.. to get to that point of intimacy the date must of gone just as well as ours do..

I'm new to this old..
I'm thinking of telling him I don't want to continue as I can't seem to understand how our dates are any different to the other women he's dating, surely by 5 dates in you're just taking the p*ss sleeping around still.. or whether to continue dating but being clear I won't be sleeping with him after him telling me this information, not until we are exclusive if we make it that far.. as I respect myself more than that (also don't want to catch anything thank you!)

But then it might be in the back of my mind if I continue wondering if he's sleeping with others.. gosh I hate dating! But I do really like our time together.

Argh.. don't know what I'm hoping for posting this. Just opinions I suppose as I've never been in this situation.
I knew he would be dating others, but knowing he is sleeping with others has made me a little confused.. I don't know if he plans to continue sleeping with his dates, or if he's slept with someone once and it was a one off.. I don't want to pry as it's his life but I feel it changes things going forward.. but then he might meet someone new next week and do the same.. so again; feeling like just a number.. but men see sex differently?

Whooooo knows.. opinions please!

He's having his cake and eating it, cheaper than paying a prostitute and that's how a lot of men view women on OLD, no respect.
He's probably got crabs as well, yuk, stay well clear.
I would avoid him like the plague.

Nah he's he's fuckboy.

Once you sleep with someone you either commit to them or rule them out if it was bad.

If he's sleeping with his dates and still dating other people, he's a fuckboy.

Once exception might be if he has a friend woth benefits but is dating to find an actual partner. But it doesn't sound like that if he's saying he's sleeping with some of his dates.

I'd also suggest if he thought you were the one for him he'd do everything to keep you, and telling you he's dating and shagging others just isn't aligned with that

After 5 dates, people know if there's enough of a connection to pursue something or not.

I don't sleep with multiple people at a time & am not interested in those who do.

After 5 dates and getting on well I would expect us both to stop seeing other people and then give it a go with each other, if he's not yet ready to do that with you then throw him back

Nobody who is looking for a relationship is going to tell you they are sleeping with other people. You have the information you need to make an informed decision.

I only sleep with men once it’s clear that they are not sleeping with other women. By that point 2-3 weeks of dating would have passed (depending on how often we meet). So if they met someone else before me and they decide they want to pusue things with me (including sleeping with me) I would expect them to drop the other woman. If they are not sure about me and they meet someone else while they’re dating me, that’s a sign they should stop seeing me. I want dating that’s consecutive, not concurrent.
I never KNOWINGLY sleep with someone who sleeps with someone else at the same time. Although I’m certain I’ve been lied to many times before.

If I was in your situation I would tell the guy that I was reflecting on what he told me and that, whilst I appreciate that he feels it’s too early to be exclusive, I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with someone who sleeps with multiple people. And that we can be platonic while he makes up his mind… But with every day that it takes him to make up his mind my interest in him would decline. The thought of him courting multiple women at the same time is off-putting.

Totally agree with this!

Sorry if I've missed it but what are you actually looking for, a relationship or casual dating? Exclusive FWB? I don't think this guy is currently looking for long term.

If your boundary is exclusivity before sex that is perfectly normal and if he doesn't want the same stop seeing him. It's his prerogative to want what he wants but don't compromise.

5 dates is plenty to know if there's potential. Not to start buying a ring, nobody is saying that but to give it a chance just the two of you. If it doesn't work that's fine. That's all that's meant by being exclusive. Tbh, if you don't mutually feel excited about this prospect early on then i would say it's probably not a great sign.

5 dates is plenty to know if you get on with someone and if you fancy them.
No way would I continue dating someone if they were dating AND sleeping with multiple others.
Yuk 🤮
He sounds like a player who isn't looking for a relationship

He's in his hoe phase, and you sound like you have a more sensible approach to dating than he does. I'm not sure how to evaluate your attraction to someone while sleeping with other women.

Be upfront, tell him what you want, he's been upfront with you. Make your decision. Seems fair.

Yeah he's showed you who he is and now if you continue he will know that you have no or low boundaries and he can get away with whatever.

Throw him back to enjoy these other women and find someone who isn't sleeping with other women.

He will keep doing it then say to you. . Well I did tell you early on!

The fact he's got all these dates and these women are sleeping with him and you really like him, suggests he's hot and desirable.

These men have their pick on OLD and are less likely to settle.

5 dates is plenty to know if you want to be exclusive.
Being exclusive isn't a contract that leads to marriage. He isn't tying himself down to you. All he has to do is decide not to have sex with anyone else while you two are finding out whether you're compatible.
Honestly, while I was OLD'ing I had plenty of dates with plenty of different men, but as soon as I had one promissing date, I'd give that all of my attention and cancel my other plans. It's not that hard.

Either way, you can't control what he does or who he is. you can only decide on your own boundaries. Like not sleeping with someone who's also sleeping around with others.

Being exclusive isn't a contract that leads to marriage

Literally what I was going to type!

My SO and I knew we didn't want to see other people after the first date, lying in the park for a few hours.

Of course, that might not be enough time for everyone, but 5 hours certainly is. If the dates 'do not compare' like he said, he'd just be exclusive.

It's not a marriage contract! It's not some irreversible life changing massive decision! If he wanted to, he would!!!

I would 100% avoid. Leave while you're ahead and don't get entangled with intense feelings.