My ex and I split up a few months ago but recently there have started to be hints thay getting back together may be possible. It's a very uncertain position and if it does happen is going to require a lot of work over a few months. For now we have agreed to meet casually as friends whilst we work on our personal issues and see what happens without putting pressure on the outcome.
The current issue I have is the fact that my ex still wants to meet up with others for casual sex. To her mind it is completely fine as we're not together and it's not cheating (she has no issue with me doing it apparently, but I have refused). To my mind it's more complicated. She was sleeping with people back when it seemed we were completely done and although I have found that very painful I acknowledge she was well within her rights to do so.
Now though it doesn't seem so clear. We haven't actually agreed to start trying again, with the situation being that my ex has said she might want to but wants to get things clear in her head first and this will take a while yet. So here it would seem like I cannot argue what she does. But I find this a bit off. She knows how painful I am finding her sleeping with other people and that I want to avoid her if she is doing this, but she is insisting on spending time together as friends as she says she misses my company. I have told her that if she continues then I probably won't be able to get past this and any chance of getting back together successfully would be sunk, so have asked that either she tells me she is continuing so I can cease contact and start processing that the relationship is truly done, or that she stops sleeping with others, at least whilst she makes up her mind about me. I also feel that her doing stuff with others is just going to cloud her judgement for now and so she should also stop on that basis, but perhaps I am talking rubbish there. Perhaps it will actually help her to make up her mind (which is something she has sort of suggested).
What she appears to have decided following what I told her is that she is going to continue to seek out other men but lie to me about it and continue to want to meet up as friends. I don't know for sure and she swears she has stopped but we've known each other long enough for me to be 95% sure when she is lying. I will add that our break up was not down to me being unfaithful so it's not like she is giving me a taste of my own medicine or anything there.
It's up for me to decide whether this behaviour is a dealbreaker for me so this is not what I am asking. My question is more whether her behaviour is okay or whether I am right to feel aggrieved about it. To emphasise again, at this stage she is having very fleeting thoughts of getting back together. Rather than thinking that she might want to, it's more like she thinks there is a chance that she might want to be in a position where she starts thinking about wanting me back. If that makes sense. So no sense of being together or any form of commitment or anything. She is very big on fate and thinks that if we are destined to get back together then it will happen, seemingly not mattering what she does now. For what it's worth, I think there is a good chance this would work out eventually if we don't do anything now to add to our list of issues to work on.
Do I push further or accept that in this situation I don't really have any right to? Even if she won't stop I at least want her to tell me so I can make an informed decision on whether I am willing to stick around as friends to see what happens whilst she is doing this sort of thing. It's very clear that she thinks her behaviour is absolutely fine given the current situation, although I am not sure why she is lying about it. It's probably either as she knows I will stop seeing her if she tells the truth, and/or she fears me having a strong negative reaction and doesn't want to hurt me.
Also, to me, and I won't go into details as to why but again we've known each other long enough, everything is suggesting that the next person she wants to sleep with isn't just some random person for sex as the previous guys were but someone who is particularly physically blessed, shall we say, which is why she's so keen to pursue it despite what I have said. And that makes it even more difficult for me to get past but that's a whole other story.
Apologies if I rambled - my brain tends to dissolve into mush when I think about this.