Blamed for everything

[BestieNo1]

Whenever anything happens inside or outside my home life, my husband seems to take it out on me, or use me as a buffer for his moods eg his Mum is ill at the moment and we are not sure if it is serious illness.

Husband bottles up that he is very worried and upset and seems to get angry with me and is on a hair trigger, although it is not my fault and I have to read between the lines and wait for him to blurt out what is going on.

He has a high pressure job and works v hard but am getting tired of being a buffer. How do I get him out of this habit?

He has mood swings and am seriously worried about him. Does he nerd counselling. Would this help?

I'm menopausal, sensitive and have endometriosis so in on/off pain.

Please give me CONSTRUCTIVE advice what I can do? 🙂

Tell him right now that you will no longer be his emotional punching bag. Not ever again. If he has issues to deal with, he can get a fucking therapist because you will no longer take his abuse. I'm sure he doesn't treat other people this way, does he?

You get him out of this "habit" by refusing to tolerate it. If he doesn't like not being able to treat you like rubbish, he knows where the door is.

Thank you @Aquamarine1029 for getting to the point! I will try doing this today (if I have the strength!) so grateful for your support xx

Im guessing you;ve been together for a while? It can be hard to break out of the habit of accepting this kind of treatment. As well as @Aquamarine1029s excellent advice I would consider practicing saying “I am not your emotional punchbag. You are a grown man: share it or sort it” in front of the mirror, so it’s easier to say in the heat of the moment. He;s not likely to take it well of course, but if you’re ready to take a stand that will help a lot.

You might find (solo) therapy helpful too, to understand how and why you got here and how to break out of it.

Thanks for responding! That's really nice of you!! I've told him to get therapy and he's booked it.
Result!! 🙏🙏
He's not all bad but he def has his moments...

Blocked from posting

'How do I get him out of this habit?"

Interesting choice of phrase.
Why is it your responsibility?
It's not.

It seems you yourself are accepting blame for his actions subconsciously. And perhaps think it's up to you, to fix him. So you're tolerating his behaviour.

The resolution is this: Calmly "do not speak to me like that. If ypu continue to take your issues out on me, I will leave you. So you better buck up your ideas".

Next time he pulls that shit: 'I have told you I won't be spoken to that way. Go and stay elsewhere tonight'.
You/he can return after a day but make it clear if it ever happens again, you are over and follow through.

And before you say that sounds harsh, think in this - you've given him a second chance and a tthird chance through this course of action
That's enough.

Now its good that hes booked therapy. Do not take any responsibility in booking his appointments etc...with this. He needs to show he wants to change. Its not your job to fix him.

How do I get him out of this habit?

It's your habit of tip toeing around him that you need to change.

What form that change takes is up to you.
Would it help if you lost your shit/ read him the riot act?
How about getting your coat on and telling him you'll be back when he's ready to be civil?
Or tell him he can spend the night in his car if he continues to treat you like that.

You need to make it clear that this is your line in the sand. In order to be convincing, you need the empowerment that you will find if you make sure you have an alternative to living with him.