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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend was assaulted

13 replies

Scenuc · 17/03/2024 19:39

My boyfriend runs a social group. An ex colleague of his has ADHD and joined the group to make friends. I had to message this guy as he private messaged someone without asking them first which annoyed them. He has told me about his life. At times I have to explain about boundaries in social situations as he does not always understand.

My boyfriend put on an event and a few of them and this ex colleague met in the pub. My boyfriend was going to have a cigarette and this ex colleague put both of his hands around my boyfriend's neck, he pushed him off as he did not know what was going on. He said he was strong and now has a sore throat and struggles to swallow. This guy claims he did that to stop him smoking as he does not agree with smoking.

I messaged him and said never ever grab anyone's neck again as it is dangerous and you can cause asphyxiation and that he has hurt him. He has apologised and said he would never hurt anyone. He claims he and his friends do it. I have never met anyone who grabs people around the throat. He said he was concerned about my boyfriend's health yet caused another health issue!

My boyfriend is really anxious now as he already has other health issues and is really worried about his throat. He deleted this ex colleague off Facebook and says he must be a psychopath to do that and it that it was assault.

This guy has messaged me since and I really don't want to get involved. He is clearly lonely but is a liability and can't be trusted.

I have told my boyfriend to get medical assistance as he has been on Google and is afraid he won't recover. He is going to the doctor tomorrow. In the meantime he is taking supplements and eating fruit.

I just feel for my boyfriend as he has such a good heart and gets assaulted in the process.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 17/03/2024 20:33

Sorry this happened to your boyfriend but it all seems a little strange. I’d just remove the guy from your social media. Personally I wouldn’t have contacted him after he touched your boyfriend as I would have just cut contact.

If your boyfriend is in a lot of pain and feels he’s been assaulted then he should report it to the police. I’m not sure if he’s just for a bruised neck but I assume he will be fine - not sure what fruit and supplements will do though.

Scenuc · 17/03/2024 20:40

@Hiddenvoice That guy contacted me asking why my boyfriend deleted him so I told him.

I don't buy he didn't realise you don't grab someone by the neck, he doesn't do it to others so is aware it is not normal.

I will ask him about reporting to the police. This guy could have a habit of doing this.

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porridgecake · 17/03/2024 20:42

He needs to get his neck checked by a medical professional and any injury documented in his records. He can also report to the police. ADHD is no excuse to assault someone. My DS has ADHD and is gentle and polite, despite being extremely strong.

TellerTuesday · 18/03/2024 07:59

Sorry I agree with PP that it all sounds a bit peculiar. If your BF is the one running the group why did you contact the guy the first time, are you also involved in running the group?

Why does he think he won't recover, is he having problems following the incident.

If he feels he has been assaulted he needs to report it to the police.

Scenuc · 18/03/2024 10:07

@TellerTuesday Yeah, we both run the group together which is why we had contact with that guy.

He is quite anxious and is going to see a doctor today. He only told me 2 days later he kept being sick after it happened which is a symptom of strangulation. I feel quite stressed myself now.

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Namechange666 · 18/03/2024 10:21

Why have you mentioned this guy has adhd? What has that got to do with him assaulting your boyfriend???

Regardless block this man on everything. Report him to the police and tell the others what he has done. Never have anything to do with him again.

NotQuiteNorma · 18/03/2024 10:36

Why have you mentioned this guy has adhd? What has that got to do with him assaulting your boyfriend???

Maybe because his thought processes might not work the same way as someone without ADHD and it might be relevant???

Starlight1979 · 18/03/2024 10:40

Um sorry but... WTAF?! This all sounds very bizarre.

"My boyfriend is really anxious now as he already has other health issues and is really worried about his throat."

"I have told my boyfriend to get medical assistance as he has been on Google and is afraid he won't recover. He is going to the doctor tomorrow. In the meantime he is taking supplements and eating fruit."

WHAT?!?! Your bf sounds like a hypochondriac, the other bloke sounds mental and you sound like you're very young.

Upinthenightagain · 18/03/2024 10:40

I don’t really understand why you are babysitting these men? They’re not toddlers

Namechange666 · 18/03/2024 10:44

NotQuiteNorma · 18/03/2024 10:36

Why have you mentioned this guy has adhd? What has that got to do with him assaulting your boyfriend???

Maybe because his thought processes might not work the same way as someone without ADHD and it might be relevant???

I have ADHD and I can assure you, I know NOT to put my hands around someone's neck, pretty much strangling them.
No one I know with ADHD thinks that way either.

Perpetuating such a thought is damaging to a condition that already has been stigmatised.

This man could have any other condition or guess what, he could be just violent.

It has zero to do with this.

Scenuc · 18/03/2024 10:47

I should have made it clearer. This guy tried to blame what he did on ADHD and not being aware. I don't believe him as I know people with ADHD who don't go round trying to throttle people's necks. He gives people a bad name.

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Namechange666 · 18/03/2024 11:03

Oh that makes more sense.

No op, unfortunately that's just on him. He's talking rubbish. Another reason to avoid him, he deflects blame.

Scenuc · 18/03/2024 15:41

My boyfriend saw the doctor who advised it is internal bruising and will be ok.

So angry this nutter tries to excuse violence for ADHD.

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