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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don’t make my dp happy

2 replies

Ohitsallbullshit · 17/03/2024 19:31

I love my DP so much. He’s amazing, he’s everything and more that I could wish for.

But I come with chaos, baggage and just a load of stress. I know he’s feeling down and is unhappy as he’s told me that he struggles with it all.
I know it’s not all me but I also know I don’t help. We’ve been together 6 years, have our own home and plans to get married.

I have 2 DD’s aged 14 and 12 they are hard work and have massive attitudes. Their dad is also narcissistic who wants to destroy me (even if it means damaging his dc) so we have a lot of issues that arise from that and it causes alot of stress inside our home. They don’t stay with him but keep contact.

he has 2 DS’s aged 13 and 11. They are with us 4 nights a week and are grumpy and no longer want to engage with him. He struggles with getting them off tech and we often get “i will just stay at mummy’s more if you make me xxx” that really hurts him.

he also hates his job but wouldn’t earn as much elsewhere and we have a large mortgage so he says he can’t leave. i don’t know how to help him.

I am also chaotic, I would say ADHD, unorganized and can get shouty at my children (although I am working on this atm and it has improved massively recently)

im running my own business and working part time along with doing most of the school runs (we don’t live on a bus route for any of the children)

I’m exhausted, our sex live is non existent and I don’t know where to go from here.

any suggestions would be massively appreciated

OP posts:
MrsSlocombesCat · 02/10/2024 12:31

Don't get married. This relationship isn't working and will only get worse as the teens get older. If you love each other maybe you could stay together but live separately? I'm sorry but with the children being so difficult for you both I can't see a way to improve the situation.

rebmacesrevda · 02/10/2024 12:46

I think you should get assessed for ADHD. If you think you have it and it’s affecting your relationship, the onus is on you to do something about. I have ADHD, and getting diagnosed and treated for it has been life-changing. Bear in mind it’s often inherited, so your kids might have it too. Getting diagnosed early in life makes an enormous difference to long-term outcomes, so please consider seeking assessment for them if you think they have it.

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