Thank you to anyone taking the time to read this. Any advice would be appreciated.
My partner and I have been together 4 years. Live together and engaged. No plans or even conversations about getting married have happened. He has a son who he has on the majority of days every week. We do nothing together as a couple other than go to the supermarket once a week and he waits in the car. I do everything for this man and his son who has severe LD/ASD/ADHD as well as working full time.
He makes no effort to keep me interested in this relationship. I do everything around the house and his tea is made every night for when he finishes work. Every night I put his son to bed which can take hours, I go down stairs to find him asleep on the sofa for the rest of the night. He seems to be in another planet tbh. What ever I say to him such as important dates or events coming up he says I’ve never told him that which is highly annoying and I feel like I’m questioning my own sanity. I told him yesterday that it was my mams memory today and won’t feel up to leaving the house for the weekly shop. He has never asked how I am or if I’m feeling ok. He asked why I seemed like I was in mood so I said I told you yesterday it’s my mams memory today and his only reply was you didn’t tell me that. Nothing like are you ok, do you want to talk about it? I honestly feel like I’m going insane.
At the beginning of the year I said we would see how things go over the next couple of months and if nothing improves I’m leaving. Things have got no better and I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall. He makes no effort with my family whatsoever. I told him a week ago my brother was calling round with his birthday card and gift, also reminded him the night before and he decided to go out before my brother arrived. He didn’t even text him to thank him for his card and gift. When I got onto him about it he said this shouldn’t be an issue and that I’m causing a problem out of nothing and said right if it makes you feel any better I will text him now. I make an effort with his family and go above and beyond for them. We were at a family event on New Year’s Eve and even his own brother and his wife spoke to me in private and said that if he doesn’t change his ways he will end up losing me. When his brother wished me happy new year he said I hope my brother treats you better this year. I brought this up when we were in the middle of argument when he was saying I’m the problem so I said I know I’m not perfect but even your own family have said if you don’t treat me better you will lose me, he asked his brother about this and he denied saying it. It’s so frustrating.
He literally gives the bare minimum to this relationship. Never says I look nice if I’m dressed up unless I say it to him first. No little gestures to show that he cares. Nothing. He says these things shouldn’t be an issue and that I’m the problem making a deal out of it all and he feels like he is working on egg shells around me. Are these little things that shouldn’t be an issue?
Am I the problem?