How to have sex sober?

[NoddyfromToytown]

Two kind of related topics here. I’ve decided that today is my last drink. I can’t say forever but I’m not enjoying the relationship I have had with alcohol over the past year or so. I wouldn’t say I’m an alcoholic but it’s definitely no good for me as once I start I can’t stop… so today I am stopping.

That said, I cannot remember the last time I had sex sober. I’ve been single for a while and was kind of with someone for a couple of months last year so I guess it would be then. But I’ve dated two people since and have no recollection of having sex with them at all. Once I know I instigated it but the other… well let’s just say I felt very taken advantage of.

I’ve now been talking to someone for a while (known him for about 25 years but not well). He’s been over to mine a few times and we’ve had a kiss and a bit of a fumble but has always been drinking so didn’t take it further (I’m so glad this one is respectful). But I know next time I see him it’s going to happen… I’m just really shy when I’m sober and feel like I’m going to make a fool of myself! (Firstly I need to pluck up the courage to actually invite him over!)

Don’t really know what I’m asking here but any words of support or encouragement would be really helpful!

If he's the right one, your inhibitions will dissipate immediately - I was really worried ahead but at the time, no issues at all

I've been sober for a little over a year and the first time I had sex I was just as nervous as you! But it turns out sex is way better sober. All your senses are heightened and you're fully present. It might feel a bit more awkward at first but not for long, I promise :-)

Well, it doesn't have to happen the next time you see him. You say that this one is respectful, so if next time you simply don't feel comfortable in the moment, then don't have sex. Wait until you are feeling more comfortable.

Chances are you're overthinking it now, but when you're in the moment it will either just happen or it won't.

I agree with this. If you’re just sleeping with someone because they are there and you want sex, it can be a little stilted and self conscious, but if you really fancy the arse off someone your sex drive kicks in and you’re just pulling clothes off and not having annoying thoughts. It’s why I wouldn’t do the former anymore, lesson learned from my youth, where alcohol was often involved. If you are really attracted to this bloke don’t worry, you’ll just be fizzing with excitement, especially if you’re confident he’s a good egg. You’ll enjoy it more with a clear head too, your hormones won’t be competing with the alcohol.

And if you’re shy maybe it’s just too soon for you with him? You can keep the brakes on for a while, there’s no rule that says you’ve to do it next time.