Loss of interest or slow burner?

[Holibobby]

I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months now he moved very quickly, he’s always been super keen, I’ve met his friends, he wanted me to meet his family (but I couldn’t because of work), he’s always quick to reply to messages etc. I’m a little slower (and wary) when it comes to dating but found I really like him.

Anyway, we decided to go away last weekend for his birthday on a city break. When we were away he called me his partner and his girlfriend on 2 separate occasions, despite us not having that chat about what are we.

When we got home didn’t see each other for a couple of days just messaging a lot and he’s been working long shifts for the last 6 days. Seen him on Weds and he seemed a little different quite quiet but I just put it down to him being exhausted with work as he suffers with fatigue. He was ok in the end. Then he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his friends on Sunday but I said I can’t because I have my DD.

Since that he’s been very quiet on messages, understand he’s working but his messages just all about him he hasent asked me anything or kept the conversation going at all, it’s all me. I’m freaking out tonight (I know it’s irrational) that he’s loosing interest.

In the past around the 2-3 month mark seems to be crucial ‘loosing interest’ point. But then I think he asked me if I would go a meal with his close friends on Tuesday and I said no (as I have my DD) and then I said no to tomorrow too. I’m wondering is he maybe just holding back a bit or actually loosing interest.

After we got back from our city break I told him I liked him and spending time with him and now I feel like now he knows that I like him he’s holding back a little. But then I could be overthinking as I’ve been in an abusive relationship in the past and I am on high alert.

I really want to message him tonight and say why you not making any conversation as it’s really out of character for him but it would sound too weird. I really need clarity and think face to face conversation is best.

Does anybody have any insights?

OP - you don’t seem to know what you want and are sending out very mixed messages.

Previously you said you wanted to have the conversation about being exclusive but thought it was too soon. Now you’re calling him out for saying you’re his GF. What is it you actually want from this man?

And tbh whatever advice anyone has given on your numerous threads, you seem to totally ignore anyway.

@SamW98 I’m not ignoring advice, I am taking it all on board. I want clarity, I want to know if this is exclusive and if it is I don’t think he should have dating apps running in the background, just like I have gotten rid of mine.

I don’t feel like he is seeing anyone else but dating in this day and age seems to be a free for all, everybody is disposable and everybody a click away from setting up another date.

I would like to be his gf but I would have to be more sure than I currently am. I think yesterday felt a lot more ‘matey’ than all our dates have been and he seemed a bit off. I didn’t want to communicate all of this through text message, wanted to do it face to face but I got into my own head after being triggered by a comment he made and thought I need to stop seeing him now as it’s not healthy.

So why didn't you ask if you were exclusive then?
Why didn't you say anything when he gave you the 'explanation' for the apps?

You said you thought you needed to stop seeing him but then you spoke and seemed to lap up everything he said, which is why people think you're not taking it on board.

By the sounds of it next week there will be another thread about this guy!

I said I didn't appreciate him calling me his gf/partner when we've not had any of those sort of conversations, he apologised and said he's sorry for calling me his gf.

I would like to be his gf but I would have to be more sure than I currently am. I think yesterday felt a lot more ‘matey’ than all our dates have been and he seemed a bit off. I didn’t want to communicate all of this through text message, wanted to do it face to face.

OP can you honestly not see how confusing and contradictory these statements are? You were face to face so why not just ask about being exclusive rather than tell him you don’t appreciate being called his gf when you say that’s exactly what you want to be.

That was your chance to tell him that’s what you want whereas you’ve pretty much now told him that’s not what you are. You seem all over the place regarding what you want and how to talk about it.

As I’ve said many times on MN - I don’t get how women are happy to get naked with a man but unable to face an honest conversation.

@kkloo I told him that i didn't want to date other people and i didn't want the person that I am dating to be dating other people and he said 'noo you can stop thinking that' and i said thats where the confusion has come from and he said he understands that. I think a face to face conversation about exclusivity is needed. I didn't necessarily lap up everything he said he told me to stop worrying and I said no I need honest communication and clarity but as it was late we stopped messaging then.

@SamW98 Reading back my messages to him are confusing as I asked him why he called me his gf without us having that talk and then I asked what he wanted and he apologised for calling me his gf and then he edited his message from 'i love going out with you' to 'i love going on date nights with you' and said when he called me his gf he didnt realise what he was saying but i said to him but you said it the day after too and he said i know im sorry.

So maybe it is super confusing for him now, this is why I wished i waited until speaking face to face rather than coming home and getting all worked up and putting it on message.

@Holibobby I went through something similar with my ex partner. He was still on dating apps but “didn’t use them” the mixed messages made me feel confused and totally insecure. We are no longer together (his decision) but looking back it was for the best. Relationships are not supposed to be this difficult. I’ve also had therapy and have a better understanding of what I would and wouldn’t tolerate going forward.
wishing you all the best for whatever you decide.

The comment about your boobs and then making up some bs about a chest scan would not sit right for me. The being matey and being up and down would also be big red flags, you do not need a game player. I think you should walk away from this one, it's such early days to be having all these concerns and worries. I had one of these and after a while of being messed about chucked him back, turned out to be an absolute bellend. Follow your instincts.

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug i was talking about a hospital scan earlier but still felt like it didn’t sit right with me. Definitely matey yesterday and there was no romance we were sitting on the sofa and then after that comment he proceeded to ask me for a blowjob 🙈 I said no and left to go home. So yeah it’s not looking great at the minute

... and he said 'noo you can stop thinking that'...

So now he is telling you what you should and shouldn't be thinking.

Throw this one back. Please.

After your latest update - just get rid. This one is absolutely not a keeper.

It's been two months.

This is your sixth thread about him.

By the sounds of it your communication isn't any better face to face.

He doesn't want to come off the apps so he just comes out with stupid comments to shut you down and make you think you're being silly. You said you need honest communication and clarity, he could have provided you that in one sentence whether it was late or not, he just didn't want to.

As for the second part I doubt he is confused and I think he knows you like him, he KNOWS that what you want is clarity about how he sees you, but instead he is playing dumb and saying sorry for calling you that.

As for it being 2 months in and he's acting matey and then asking for a blowjob...

He's just awful.

The comment about your boobs alone should be enough - awful!