Struggling so bad with life

[runningaway90]

I have posted before about an issue with my partner but really struggling and need advice, please dont link to my prior thread incase of anonymity.

Not sure where to start.

1. My relationship has been rocky, over time I have realised I am dealing with emotional and financial abuse but still love this person and struggling to let go. He's not great at supporting me through the other issues I'll detail, tends to shut down and make me feel a bit awkward for being upset. I feel that I have other issues in my life contributing to me holding on to this person which I'll get into below.

2. the person I would have said was my best friend has been really unsupportive of helping me through this time. Ive felt very judged and inferior so started to distance myself. She told me she had a miscarriage so reached out a few times over 2 months to make sure she was ok but she was distant and said person seems to have cut me out for not being there enough. I was really trying to balance her upset and my own issues. I thought I was still there for her but she's very obviously not speaking to me. Ie, not talking to me but posting what she's been through on Instagram. I know she is also struggling but taking it personally.

3. I have previously been sexually abused as a teenager and as a result cut contact with my aunt a year ago. I called her out for not protecting me against ex uncle as I was still being put in positions with my abuser potentially being there. I couldn't do it anymore so I stood up for myself and she decided to cut me out. I'm not sure what she told her 2 daughters. But one of them have now just had a baby and it's thrown me for six. Not sure if it's because my family are now rallying around said aunt and Im effectively cut out.

I just feel so much like I'm not good enough and that I am the problem. I feel like my circle has got small and although objectively I think I haven't done anything wrong, I'm really struggling to not think I am the problem for everything. I don't know what I'm asking but could anyone help me understand these situations and start to feel at peace with it all, without compromising myself and apologising to them all? I feel that everyone in my life is just expecting me to carry on as normal but I really feel unable to cope and I just wonder if it's me making drama out of nothing.

Sometimes multiple things can go wrong in your life at the same time. Your luck isn't always evenly spaced out. Have you considered counselling?

Someone once said to me everyone has a bucket beside them and every now and then whether it’s good or bad we put things in the bucket . It sounds like the bucket beside you is really really full and there is too much to try and sort out and the bucket is really heavy .
When you are ready it sounds like you need to start emptying the bucket and to do that you really need to look at what you are taking out . As mentioned in one post it sounds like you need some help to do that and a counsellor would be the person to help you. You have a lot going on so I’m wishing you the very best

OP sometimes things pile up and it seems that the weight is too much to bear.As others have suggested l urge you to get some counselling to help you unpack all this emotional baggage and get some support in a safe space. You shouldn't have to apologise for things that have hurt you in the past, and which were not your fault so please don't do that.
You know what has happened so believe in yourself and continue to back yourself, you have a right to honour your own feelings. A counsellor will help you explore this and also help you work out a way to move forward and how to feel more in control. All the best OP, it sounds like you have a lot going on but therapy should help you see things more clearly.

Thanks for the helpful responses. I do have a counsellor who I'm going to see this week so I'm sure that will help. I was just feeling quite overwhelmed this weekend so appreciate the responses a lot!