Why did he do this and what does it mean?

[Storry]

I was in a relationship that lasted for 7 years, although the last 3 were on and off. He ended it 18 months ago, and said that this time it really was the end.

I was completely gutted but blocked and tried to move on. There have been 2 or 3 instances over the last 18 months where he's tried ringing me, and once he followed me - presumably to see where I'd moved to. But no proper contact.

Last week he left me a voicemail of a recording of a song that was very significant to us. He didn't speak, just played the song. And that has been it. No contact since.

What was the purpose? What was the point? Of course, he's now right back in the forefront of my mind.

It would seem unnecessary to you, because you don't need the external validation you do. But he's nothing like you, clearly, so his motivations won't make sense to you.

You don't need to figure anybody out in life. This was a biggy for me: people who don't make sense to me... I'll just stay away from them. The people who are good for me will make sense to me.

Followed you?
And you caught him one time but for all you know that might have just been the only time you saw him. Now he's calling and leaving creepy messages.

Might be worthwhile speaking with the national stalking helpline. And getting a camera doorbell.

Chances are he just wants you to be thinking of him because shitty people can't stand you moving on and not thinking of then anymore. It hurts their ego. But, be careful.

You don't need to figure anybody out in life

@Watchkeys these words really stood out to me. Why have I never thought this before?

@Pinkbonbon he does have form for this sort of behaviour. In some of our on/off times he would know my routine, wait for me to leave for work, and then follow me and try to get me to stop to talk. I'm pretty sure he's only done it the once this time because I now live in a cul-de-sac so I'd see him. But I will be careful - thank you.

@Watchkeys those words also resonated with me. I can't understand my STBEH's behaviour since we split up and I'm trying not to tie myself up in knots with it but it is hard. I don't need to figure him out. He's being unforgivable with the children which is also making it very hard but maybe even with that I still don't need to figure him out?

Why have I never thought this before

Probably because one or both of your parents didn't make sense to you, so you were conditioned to always try to 'solve the riddle' because leaving wasn't an option.

That's what happens to most of us, anyway. Doesn't have to be malicious on the part of the parent(s). Sometimes it's about working a lot, or being distracted by illness, or a more demanding child. Any of that ring a bell? My parents fought a lot, and drank a lot. Made no sense to me as a kid, but I wanted to stop it, so I tried and tried to make sense of it, so that I could help. I didn't realise I was powerless. Then I grew up, and kept trying to fix unfathomable relationships, until I learned that if it needs fixing and is unfathomable, it's better to just walk away.