Did your parents discuss relationships with you?

[Phyllissradishfarm]

When you were a teenager or even younger did your parents ever discuss relationships with you, or discuss how you should expect to be treated in a relationship?

My parents are quite uptight and didn't discuss anything. I'm trying to work out if that was normal for the time or are they just exceptionally uptight. They are very much in favour of schools teaching everything from cooking to making a bed to how to pay your gas bill. That seems to be quite a modern concept to me, expecting schools to do every bloody thing. I am wondering if they thought school was teaching me all this stuff.

I was a teenager in the 80s. I would be grateful for experiences from any decade. Probably no point to this thread really but I'm just trying to unpick stuff that happened.

@KevinDeBrioche She was extremely to the point but also a social justice warrior. I saw her have a go at a bunch of skinheads teasing a woman with additional needs when I was about 10.

70s childhood and I got nothing about sex and relationships. They would go mad if I mentioned boys and get very hostile about anything to do with sex. They were firmly in a 1950s mindset there.

Strangely though, my mother was very influenced by the 70s feminist movement and did say things about it being a man’s world. For example, she would comment and tut over Top of The Pops about how the cameraman would always linger in the breasts and crotch of ‘Legs and Co’ who were the resident dancers. I used to get annoyed by her sabotage of ‘my programme’ but the continual drip feed of feminist messaging has been profoundly influential on me and my power within relationships.

I’m now repeating that education with my own dds who are also strong and have solid boundaries when it comes to men and male bullshit. What my mother was unable to say, but I do, is that sex is a wonderful with the right partner and it’s got to be consensual and respectful. That makes them cringe but I think it’s important for them to know.

late 80s teen. only once. When I left for university, my mother advised me to be careful about getting into a relationship with an older man, especially a professor. I was inexperienced with undiagnosed ASD, and just absolutely had a thing for hyper-intelligent men, still do actually. I can see now that she was scared I was a perfect target for someone who wasn’t looking for an equal partnership.

In the 90's not really.

I remember wanting to go on the pill and my mother said that was only for couples in a serious relationship.

Never talked about sex to me, although she did say she was a virgin on her wedding night and they bought a house, on dad's salary only, and didn't move in until after the honeymoon, yes I believed them. Dad made out he wasn't a virgin but my mum said he was, I believed her! But anything other than that, I don't recall any other type of conversation or advice on relationships.

They did baffle me though by saying they knew nothing about ovulation! Still managed to have children easily, unlike me.

No conversations about relationships, even when I got into a disaster relationship with a 25 year old when I was 19 ! My parents divorced when I was 16 , and my mum went on to have a lot of fixations on unavailable men . It was a mess .

No, not at all.

My dm couldn't bring herself to say the word 'period' despite having 4 daughters and was in an abusive marriage. We got no guidance at all and all left at the first opportunity.

I talk to my ds about all sorts - relationships, Andrew Tate, body building, health, money, careers, how to check tyre pressures or make a meal, how to unblock a sink. 😀

God, no! I was a teenager in the 80s too. I got a pamphlet about periods, zero about sex. And worse than zero about relationships. I was actively told in every moment, gesture, reference and reaction when growing up that unselfishness was the only acceptable way to be. Can't have everything your own way, got to compromise, etc etc. I had it drummed into me that I didn't matter and by the time I grew up I had NO clue what I wanted, or that I deserved to be treated well. Etc. I put up with FAR too much from every boyfriend I had and ended up in a 25 year relationship which was incredibly emotionally abusive.

I have 2 dds (now 20 and 16) and talk to them about this all the time. Neither have ever had a relationship (their dickhead dad means they're pretty scared of the idea, sadly) but I pray my efforts to boost them up will mean they are able and prepared to set standards and boundaries, as well as being kind and unselfish people!

No never. My mother complained about my father a lot but wouldn’t consider leaving him as she thought divorce would bring disgrace and poverty. Not a good role model.

Teenager in the 2000s

Nope not a word. Even periods so when they started at 11 I thought I was dying! I did get a book from school but it was basic to say the least. I also only lived with my dad (mum left and infrequently saw me) so had to navigate getting sanitary wear somehow I used to save up lunch money to buy them instead of eating.

There was a strong feeling from everyone that nice girls don't have sex or boyfriends or even friends that were boys. Always this dreaded fear I would get pregnant. I had so much anxiety just from sitting on toilet seats which is bloody ridiculous.

All I was ever modelled and socialised was to people please. Don't have sex with boys but never upset them and do what they want but everything was always my fault regardless what happened.

I was assaulted lots and raped. I held that blame for years untill I had therapy.

I had no idea what healthy relationships of any kind looked like. I've done a tonne of therapy to be a healthy person with boundaries now. My family are very abusive and toxic so I've gone very very low contact.

I talk about everything with my children. My husband and I have done lots of therapy individually and together to make sure we are not traumatising our children in anyway whilst also holding our hands up honestly to the children saying we won't get everything right but we will hear you and reflect/compromise.

I can not imagine parenting any other way. They say when you have children you have more compassion for your own parents. That did not happen for me at all. Quite the opposite.

I was born in the 90s and my DPs didn't do this explicitly in terms of sitting me down and ever talking to me about it or trying to 'teach' me however they modelled a lot of the behaviours I learned I suppose (mostly positive!). They also would talk openly about topics like DV/abuse in relationships in reference to e.g. things in the media and discuss marriage and relationships within the context of the religion that I was brought up in. The only criticism I have is that even though most of it was very valuable tbh they are not open minded people and so I never felt empowered to ask any questions or to broach any particular topic with them. But Im sure they did the best they could and I'm sure I learned a lot more than they got from their own DPs on the topic so I am grateful to them for their efforts.