Partner emotional blackmails me and is very manipulative and

[Anonymous09877]

Hi just need a little advise because my partner seems to think he does nothing rong and I'm weird and it's all me so I'll right down a couple things he does but denies he does them and says it was me ect...he's constantly moaning at the 2 year old gives her sweets all day and then come a certain time questions me as she had sugar coz she's acting wild and I react because I havnt give her sugar maybe they odd biscuit...when they older children get things out the Cubard he's constantly on ther case dont give the baby non dont let her get eny of ur stuff so she has to sit and see them with stuff but shes nit aloud eny because apparently she wint go to sleep but he kets hwr have sweets as much as she wants through the day..i always give her chipped fruit and yogart or make her a mixed plate like ham cucumber tomatoes a darylee dunker ect.. so i pull him up on this because it really annoys me and he says your starting on me for nothing and causes a athmpsphear for hours on end.. hes paranoid and possessive he said if I get my teeth done he won't look at me the same also said if I get eny Botox he won't be with me..he's constantly accusing me of stuff constantly says ino what Ur up to you think I'm daft...(I have 5 children 2 under 2 and I weigh 6 stone and suffer with OCD anxiety he knows dam well I'd never look at another man) But continues to taunt me with this constantly..he's very jealouse of my other children dad because we co parent and are very good friends! When I pull him up on something he will not listen to me shouts and swears over me and runs of so he doesn't have to listen then blames it all on me again like he never does enythin wrong makes me feel like it was actually all me but ino it wasn't...he lies and says things like I'm Gona end my life and take tablets I'm Gona put my self in jail or leaves me notes saying tell my kids I love them I can't do this no more I find this very manipulative and emotional blackmail the lost goes on I am not perfect but what he's doing is making me feel ill I'm constantly thinking did I do that or did I cause that I shouldn't of said that IV not seen my friends in 3 years not been out this house in 3 years apart to the school or Asda or hospital to have my babys he pesters me for sex and if I dnt give it him he causes a argument and goes in a mood IV now told him to leave because iv had enuff now hes saying iv told him to leave so I can go back to my kids dad 😳 hes sending me abusive msgs trying to guilt trip me sayin I'm cruel and heartless and taking his babys away from him ino he's gonna guilt trip me in to taking him back I feel I just can't get rid of him he always starts crying making me feel awfull saying why have you done this to me ect...

Oh lovey, he's a dick. Its very much him, not you.

what support can you get around you to help you stay strong and not fall for his manipulation and lies this time? Has he worked to isolate you from family and friends? If so, reach out - if I had a friend in your position who wanted help leaving, Id be delighted that she'd come to her senses and help in any way I could.

You could also get in touch with Womens Aid - they will be able to confirm to you that he is abusive and controlling.

Thankyou for Ur message..I have told him to leave but now today he's coming to drop a Disney towel of for my eldest that way Hel be able to ask to see him kids then once he's back in he starts crying Infront of my kids telling me why have you done this to me why u breaking my heart ripping my kids away from me IV not ate in days Iv been code I feel poorly ect...that's how he gets his self back in then or Hel says to the kids daddy's going now boing they will cry then say to me look what Ur doing to them I just feel this is how he gets round me then Hel be ok for a while and the mind games and manipulation starts again it's so hard to break free from such a person with these traits..xx

I only have my mum she tells me all the time to get rid but he then pulls all the above tricks and worms his way back in xx

Can you explain to your mum what he's doing and ask her to help you stay firm in your decision?

Don't let him in when he arrives. Text him and say "leave the towel on the doorstep". It's unacceptable for him to emotionally upset children like this and it says volumes about what a selfish prick he is.

This would be a good time to talk to your older children about how sometimes people end relationships and that's okay. That people feel sad about it, but they will feel better after a while. Daddy/stepdad will be fine, and it's not a child's job, and not mummy's job to make him feel better.

Can you not make arrangements for he sees the kids not in your house?

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation my mum hates him she knows what he does she told me I need to get rid and keep rid of him he said Hel leave the towel on the step but ino Hel knock on wanting to see the 2 baby's other 3 arnt his there at there dad's today..IV just booked soft play for 2:30 so I'm hoping of he comes Hel come while I'm out..of he does see the baby's Hel cry Infront of the older one and make her cry when he says daddys going now he knows what hes doing hes very manipulative its cruel..@frozendaisy he has no were to go apart from his daughter's house and they smoke cannabis so I don't want them in her house plus he drink on the sly because i dnt allow him to coz hes nasty after a drink so when he's not with me Hel drink as much as he can so I can't trust him with the kids while im not around plus hes got a history of sayin I'll take the kids to a different county and you won't find us to get them back once he asked could he take her town for some new clothes and had planned to take her from me but sed he couldn't bring him self to do that to her

Unfortunately his tactics of emotional manipulation have worked in the past, threatening to harm himself, crying in front of the kids and making everything appear to be your fault, so he’ll keep trying. Expect him to come when you’re in but instead as mentioned above, tell him to leave it on the doorstep. Or get your mum round to take it off him. Does he live with you? Bag his stuff up and leave it on the doorstep. Don’t answer his calls, only communicate via message so you have it written down should you ever need it in future. If he threatens to harm himself tell him you’ll contact the police (as you’re concerned for his welfare). It’ll be difficult at first but if you stick to your decision and don’t let him back in think about how happy and stress free you’ll be in a few weeks / months. Keep telling yourself it’s over, no going back now. Good luck x

@blackandgold88 yes he lives here we claim together he's got a broken van in my back drive with his stuff init that van needs fixing so that'll always be another excuse to come to say he needs to fix the van..he knows I won't take the baby's away from him but he knows I won't allow him to take them out the house plus ones fully breastfed so he can only see them here it's so difficult because ino he is not gonna leave me alone he's already started the nasty MSG's constantly calls me a piece of shit and all the other names under the sun IV though about moving but ino Hel go to the kids school and follow me to see we're we live 1 thing I no is he's not gonna allow me to leave him or get on with my life with out a massive fight he says if he can't have me no one can

You need to keep every message and consider going to the police then. What’s he doing is controlling and coercive behaviour. If you tell him to leave you alone and he continues to contact you, that’s harassment. Telling you if he can’t have you no one can is a threat! He’s a grown man. Kick him out. It’s his fault it’s come to this! Women’s Aid can help get a molestation order