Ducks in a row?

[Anxietybarbie]

When separating you always see on here get your ducks in a row. But what does it mean- where would I start?

The tenancy is in my name, I work part time but had my 2nd baby last year. Eldest off to school in sept. I can't increase my salary loads right now but in a few years I can. I have a good job that fits around the kids at the moment and I can move up the ranks in due course. I have my own bank account. I get the child benefit and a small amount of UC.

What steps do I need to take to make sure he doesn't screw me over? There's no DV but I have a gut feeling things could turn a bit unpleasant.

I have a couple of great friends but no family of my own aside from the my little ones.

Pp said on another thread that divorce is not a cure-all but does that mean I stick it out even though I feel like I'm losing my mind (or im being made to feel that way) and I'm still picking up his bloody socks and cooking his dinners eternally while he treats me like I don't exist.

Kind/helpful replies appreciated Tia xx

As you are married you can't force him to leave as it's the "marital home".

Ideally you need evidence of his salary, pension and any savings, value of car etc.

Are you married? It's not clear from your OP. If so and you no longer want to stay married then you have a conversation and ask him to leave and file for divorce, if he won't leave then you will need legal advice.

If you're not married you still need to have the conversation and may need legal advice if he refuses to leave.

Step 1 would be to stop doing anything for him, no cooking, cleaning, washing etc. make it clear this is happening. If possible move into a separate bedroom and file your own claim for UC without him and tell them that you are still living in the same house but separated.

Make sure you've changed all passwords to bank accounts, savings, premium bonds etc so he can't access any of your money.

If you have any joint savings take half and move it into your sole account.

If you are married and he has a pension or savings in his sole name then try and take copies of the details so that you will know if he doesn't tell the truth when it comes to the form E.

You should also make sure you move birth certificates for yourself and your dc plus passports to a safe place together with your marriage certificate as you will need that to divorce.

If you are the sole tenant, you should be able to give him 24 hours notice to leave as he is only a licensee. It is possible for a court to transfer a sole tenancy to the other partner, but that rarely happens. This is useful for explaining when it might happen and I would imagine yours is not such a case from the info you have provided https://nearlylegal.co.uk/relationship-breakdown-and-tenancies-faq/#:~:text=You%20each%20have%20the%20full,still%20the%20(joint)%20tenant.

Yes married 11 years x

I'm the one who manages household admin so I have all the docs, passports etc.

I personally wouldn't want to give him 24 hrs notice, I'm just saying that the flat is mine in terms of the tenancy (housing association) so I have somewhere to live.

I want to keep things civil and amicable - I'm actually heartbroken by the whole thing, I'm just trying to figure out what might be about to blindside me when I least expect it. I'm just a normal, working, mummy and it's only dawned on me incredibly slowly that he's checked out of "us" and I can't live in an emotional vacuum forever and that I need to re-group from here and find my metaphorical big girl pants.

Ducks in a row means gathering every important piece of paperwork and copying it/ saving it/ photographing it.
What you need will depend on your individual circumstances such as whether you are married, have pensions, a mortgage, debts, etc.
So it would include marriage certificate, tax returns, bank and credit card statements, life insurance, pension, any other assets and investments, property paperwork. These are all documents a solicitor would advise you to gather if you plan to divorce.
If children are at risk, secure birth certificates and passports.
Then you think about logistics, support, safety, depending on your situation. There is lots of great advice on this board. It is worth reading through some other threads.