Financial Abuse?

[outnow2]

Close family member currently divorcing. Husband high earner, wife sahm. Wife always had access to money, spending wasn’t really questioned although she didn’t spend a lot on herself, it was mainly on children and family activities and such like. There was a joint account and joint savings and wife believed that to be the entirety of their “pot”

Wife has found out that husband had a sole account with a six figure sum in it. If that money had been in a joint account then the separation would have been far easier for her financially. To me, what he has done is not only dishonest, but a form of abuse. For further context, he was controlling in other ways whilst being publicly charming, was having a long standing affair (which the wife had forgiven him for when it first started, but was resumed within 6 months of the confession), and drank to excess making poor decisions when drunk, including violence.

wife is a mess, husband is maintaining affair and therefore divorce entirely her fault, she’s controlling, he’ll be seeking shared care of the children he’s had very little to do with, she’s exaggerated his drinking. I need to support her, to help her see this isn’t her fault, to stop believing his rubbish, and that he has financially manipulated her too, but everything I’ve read about FA involves restriction to money in a different way to this. Where can I go to get her help?

So has he not declared on his Form E?

Has she got evidence of the savings account, like a screenshot or a statement?

I would be telling that would report him to the police for financial abuse or getting my solicitor to send him a strongly worded letter!

Yes, disclosure during the divorce is how she has discovered the existence of this account.

But there are also undisclosed accounts evident too which have now been questioned.

I don’t think it’s financial abuse. Was he using money to control her? To stop her going and doing what she wanted?

all he’s really guilty of is saving money. He’s not tried to hide it in the divorce proceedings, so she will get her share.

fil used money to abuse mil. She couldn’t do anything, buy anything, go anywhere without him or make any decision over her spending. She couldn’t get a cab to visit a friend as she had no access to bank cards or money unless he gave her cash. That’s financial abuse.

i have several savings pots in my name that dh doesn’t know about. Not because I’m hiding it, it’s spare cash I put aside for holidays and our future. He might be doing the same. Neither of us are short, and neither of us has to ask the other if we want to spend our own money.

If it's on the form E it's on the table to be carved up

Yes, that’s what I’ve read. But she was and still is financially dependent on him. There was no way of her having her own savings. Their money had been in a joint pot for many years and she believed this was still the case. He used joint savings to fund quite excessive spending in the last few years so these had been depleted too. I feel like he was probably trying to stop her leaving by ensuring she couldn’t financially. She believed they had a transparent and healthy financial relationship.

It's quite to tell what's happened from the information provided.

Have they divorced already & he hasn't handed over her share?

Does she have legal representation?

Not really sure what you're asking. Do you want her to report him to the police?

So if she had access to it, she would have used his money to leave him?

If she wanted to leave, she would have been able to get a job and save up to organise it. Presuming there wasn’t a pressing need due to abuse, in which case a women’s refuge would have been the option.

It doesn’t sound like her access to money was restricted. Him saving some money aside doesn’t equal abuse.

Why is she still financially dependent on him? Is there a disability preventing her from working?

Why’s she still relying on him financially? Is she going to apply for benefits? Not clear if they’re still living together. She’s hopefully got a lawyer, she should discuss this with them.