Hand hold please

[red5678]

Wow where do I begin.

I have been with my husband 8 years and then two married.

He is the absolute Love of my life . I adore him but he's troubled as in very troubled

I've held his hand through addictions / failed buisness's family fallouts / ill heath etc

Standard work addict... the last 12 months he's just become obsessed with work to the point he's had a breakdown .

He's now becoming a Buddhist and low and behold he doesn't want to be with me anymore .

I do everything house wise / financially support him with his random shite I've been there through all his ups and downs and the last 4 weeks he's read 11 books on buddism and now I'm being told he loves me but isn't happy with me when all his stupid life decisions have led him to being unhappy .

I'm so sad , what if no one loves me like he did again . What if the next one is worse . I told him to go tonight after weeks of him ending it and then coming back over and over again. I'm happy to get into the trenches with someone but being treated like this is just cruel . I've begged , cried , got angry and now I just feel over it all . But also deeply concerned for his mental health.

Hes gone , I feel numb, but miss him already . We had such a good life together before and in between the madness . We went away in our campervan every weekend , he would literally do anything for me and my family . How can I ever love anyone else when I love him so much .

I don't even know what I'm asked I'm just so sad 😞 xxxx

I'll be honest OP, it sounds like you're better off out of it.

You are a lovely person with lots to give, and you will find someone who has something to give you, instead of just take take taking emotional support from you and then rejecting you.

I'm guessing you're in your early thirties? You've got loads of time to lick your wounds, dust yourself off, and make a life that doesn't revolve around his dramas.

Do you think he has a personality disorder?

Sounds as if he's a bit of a loser and you are better off without him.

Sorry Op.

This sounds horribly familier, even down to the Campervan bit. I’m 2 years on from where you are. Being on a rollercoaster with someone so troubled is exhausting but also sort of addictive - intense all consuming devotion that can flip. ( is he bipolar? Not wanting to label but as I say, sounds so familiar to me) You will survive , it will take ages to feel normal and discover who you are and what you want, but life will be more peaceful and happy in the future without all the manufactured drama. And you can find love again, don’t worry about that bit.

He sounds exhausting.

Get your best girly friends together and have some fun. Celebrate and just breathe a huge sigh of relief that you no longer have to put up with him!

I've dated men like that and they sap entire rooms of people of all their energy. Urgh. Never again!

@red5678

He taking you far too much for granted in the past which is lead up to his bouncing back and for like an 🪃 Boomerang between yourself and his new found faith philosophy ☸️ Buddhism,

He is far too much comfortable at family home,
sounds like he doesn't want to give up relinquish home comforts and beneficial conveniences at hand ect,

Hence he is in two minds,
and he is testing the waters and sounds confused too like he is having an identify crisis 🤔 of some sort,

cause of his age group maybe?

I know Buddhism faith quite well was introduced to this philosophy as a teenager,

He sounds like he is looking for scapegoat for all his mistakes and regrets them

hence you are convient for that,

He should be reflecting on his own mistakes and addressing them in a way that is beneficial in a healthy way,
instead of deflection and projecting onto you @red5678

You need to give him ultimatum,
he either accepts he has fxcked up in the past admits this even apologies and seeks therapies to address his issues as soon as possible,
Give him a brief short time limit or
he moves out for good..

He is using his new found faith as emotional convient leverage catalyst to test the waters between his faith and yourself,

I don't see why his new found faith philosophy has to be this issue between you and him

"It's the bullshit that he is trying to make out that he is discovering himself in a new light with this enlightening new faith"

When in reality he is just not happy with himself as a person

Nothing to do with religion or faith

Hi everyone,

I definitely think there's some sort of disorder there . I think that's why I've tried to be understanding but I've just had enough. I feel like I just need some peace . It's just so up and down and I'm emotionally drained . I keep having little panics and then I feel okay again . I'm very nervous about my future . I'm 33 this year. I did want kids etc but I'm not even sure on where I go from here . He was my everything and my favourite person to be with . I need to just focus on me and not him. The buddism things is probably just his latest obsession. I probably did well to last ten years 😂 . I do also worry about him and I just wish he was him but without all this . I've never been lucky in love and I thought I had my forever 🥲 xx

You'd never be able to relax with him; for your own peace of mind please move on

Ditch and run. Be thankful there are no children.

It's done.

You tried your best.

Let him go. It's time to look after yourself now. I get the impression you've neglected your own needs to look after his.

It's your time now. You are very young.

Just have peace with yourself and maybe one day you'll want to spend time with someone that looks after you as much as you look after them.

You don’t need to panic OP. You’re 33, you have so much ahead of you that is less complicated than this man. Tell him to bugger off to a hilltop Buddhist monastery in Nepal and enjoy finding yourself again without all his crap. He’s been lucky to have you. Try seeing it as having run its course, and lick your wounds, sure, but you don’t need to panic. Focus on your own needs now. You will be just fine.

I have a friend who sounds very similar to your husband, except she’s more than twice his age. Her obsessions are increasing ( a different one each week) and her behaviour deteriorating ( calling an ambulance she didn’t need then getting angry and demanding in A&E was this weeks drama) Her husband is very, very patient with her but I can see he’s at breaking point. Their life has diminished so much , they’re more or less confined to the house , it’s really awful.
Don’t centre your life now on another man. Find your way ( you will) and decide on what you want to do.

Sounds like BPD to me , I used to know someone like this. Honestly you are better off out of it but I bet he will be back when he has enough of being Buddhist

Hi everyone . I feel okay this morning surprisingly. I've joined a group called meet up and I might go on a group hike tomorrow with 30 strangers !! I just want to throw myself into new interesting things . I had a text last night asking if I was okay and I replied with you don't need to worry about me I'm okay and he said I do worry about you though because I do still care about you I always will I’m just going through some thing at the minute obviously. X
I replied

I’ll always care about you too . Just take it one day at a time you’ll be okay x

I mean how mixed is that one from him . I'm over it all . Years and years of his ups and downs , I'm ready to live and be free and focus on me .

I'll probably feel different in a hour 😂😂😂

I feel like this is for the best. I can be happy again and I don't need him xxxx

OP I'd block him.

He sounds like someone who just takes without giving back anything.

If you keep exchanging texts with him, it'll be harder for you to move on.

It's good that you've got your life moving again and meeting new people.

What gets to me OP, is that I hear you saying all these things about the absolute shitty ways he treats you, how much you've had to put up with ect.
And then a few lines down you're saying how he's your favourite person to be with, how much you love him, how you're afraid no one will love you like he does...

Do you hear how contradicting these things are?
The way he treats you, isn't love. He isn't a loving person. He isn't fun to be around. He isn't good or kind to you. He's a nightmare. And somehow you're managed not to see that for a very long time. Even now, whenever he sends you these messages - which are very selfish messages and just a way to keep you hooked to him so he can have a dose of whatever emotional needs you're fulfilling for him - you can't see how much injustice he's doing to you.

You need to start seeing people for who they are. People tell you who they are. Not in words, but in their behaviour. It's easier to lie for years on end than it is to behave differently for a very long time. He's showing you who his is through his actions. Believe him.
If he's fun and caring for about 10% of the time you've spent together, and he's a selfish mess the other 90%, guess which of those two he really is? Newsflash, it's not the fun and caring side that's really him. That's him trying to give you the breadcrumbs you need to stay hooked.