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Relationships

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Original poster

‘DP’ lying about timeline with ex

26 replies

Purefructose · 14/03/2024 15:33

Would it annoy you if your partner lied to you about the timeline of breaking up with their ex? When we met (6 months ago) he said they’d been split for three months which I thought was short but he said they’d been unhappy for a long time and I believed him, I had been in a similar situation myself. They had no kids/mortgage together or anything else tying them. His ex recently made her Instagram public and I can see that they were still together a month before we met and looking very happy. I know that you shouldn’t judge from social media, maybe they weren’t really happy, but it looks that way to me and either way he lied to me about timing. I confronted him and he said he did lie because he didn’t want me to be put off at how recently his relationship had ended but he can’t see the relevance now as it’s in the past. I just want to know if people think I’m being unreasonable here or have a right to feel hurt and betrayed

OP posts:

Mrsttcno1 · 14/03/2024 15:43

Personally I would be annoyed about that because that means you are, unknowingly, the rebound. I also think if they were posting happily on Insta the month before you met it’s unlikely they split up that night so it was less than a month really, you could be talking as little as a week or a few days between ending one relationship and starting another!

He’s also probably made you a bit of a joke, anyone who did know him and his ex and then saw you coupled up with him a couple of weeks later would definitely have been making comments about you/your relationship.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 14/03/2024 15:49

His ex being happy doesn't mean he was. I spent 6 months trapped in a relationship I didn't feel able to leave without appearing like a bitch but he was still posting happy posts. It was all a facade to force me to stay.

gannett · 14/03/2024 16:08

Social media posts emphasising how happy a couple are tend to be indicators of the exact opposite. I'd bet a lot of money that post was for show while they were yelling at each other in private.

Of course I'd be pissed off at any lie because I think honesty is the most essential thing in any partner. Not sure I could care less about three months vs one month and I can see why he lied... but future honesty would be paramount. I'd need to see he understood that fully. And it's a two strikes rule - one more lie and I'd be out, no further questions.

Starlight1979 · 14/03/2024 16:27

In my opinion the difference between 1 and 3 months isn't really a big deal. It's not like he said they'd been split up years and it was actually weeks. I get why he stretched the truth a bit but I would be inclined to let it go.

I was in an unhappy, sexless relationship for a long, long time, all whilst appearing like the happiest couple ever on SM (not down to me I might add!). The odd photo posted to fb or Instagram is absolutely NO reflection of what's going on behind closed doors. In fact, I would say the more someone / a couple try to portray how happy they are, the worse their relationship is.

Also, can I take this opportunity to say how much I hate social media!!!

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 14/03/2024 16:30

I know that you shouldn’t judge from social media

And yet you are!

Social media is not an accurate portrayal of someone's happiness. You know this.

DrJoanAllenby · 14/03/2024 16:31

Why would you even think to look at his ex's Instagram?

You must already have doubts about him.

Opentooffers · 14/03/2024 16:54

Could it be next step overlap? Have you met any of his friends who could verify further?
He obviously has no trouble bending the truth, time and perception when he needs to to suit his agenda, so that would be of some concern. You've only known each other 6 months but he claims its " in the past now, so what does it matter?". That's pretty recent past, it's hardly raking over old coals.

Noseybookworm · 14/03/2024 17:26

Yes I'd be annoyed at being lied to. It might be a trivial lie but the fact that he was so easily able to lie to you doesn't exactly bode well for the future!

GR8GAL · 14/03/2024 17:28

Unreasonable. Everyone has romantic history, even you I'm sure. Get over it and move on.

growgrowinggrown · 14/03/2024 19:42

Yeah if they're posting 1 month prior its highly unlikely they broke up that night is it.
So at best you're looking at weeks before meeting you, potentially an overlap.

Surfapparel · 14/03/2024 19:47

How long had they been together? That's surely very relevant

Riverlee · 14/03/2024 19:51

I can see why you are cross, but I can see also why he told a white lie as he didn’t want you to know it was a recent break up. How long were they together?

If everything else in the relationship is fine, then I would try and put it behind you.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 14/03/2024 20:03

Everyone’s different I suppose, but I personally couldn’t fathom jumping into a serious relationship mere weeks after splitting from someone else. It makes me feel exhausted just thinking about it. I would wonder what made someone want to rush from one relationship to the next, to be honest. He sounds like he’s either used you to get over her or he’s one of those people who can’t be alone, and both of those scenarios would concern me.

Livelifelaughter · 14/03/2024 20:05

I would be annoyed. When I met my now ex I asked him and he said 7 weeks, I honestly thought he had said 7 months...even that I thought wasn't great.

It would annoy me because it sounds like he can bounce from woman to woman and obviously it matters as if it didn't he wouldn't lie...

Toblerbone · 14/03/2024 20:16

Obviously it's not great that he lied, I'd be a bit pissed off, but I think "betrayed" is a strong word to use about this. He just didn't want you to feel that you were the rebound.

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 15/03/2024 00:22

In his head he may have felt out of the relationship for a while. His emotional attachment may have been long gone but sometimes the logistics take longer to sort out. I would be a bit put off by it but I think I could get past it

pinecattrees · 15/03/2024 13:34

I have a guy friend and as soon as one relationship is over he is straight back on the dating apps the next day, even if the woman finished it and he is genuinely upset about the end of the things. I think some guys just can't handle being on their own.
But the lying isn't great. Did you ask him the timeline or did he volunteer it?

beanii · 15/03/2024 18:16

What made you look on her profile? That's a bigger question for me.

It doesn't make any difference if it was 3 months or 1 month to me - you know the relationship though 🤷‍♀️

Underestimated4 · 15/03/2024 18:20

My now husband did the same, little white lies about his past relationship but for the same reasons, just think he was wanted to move on and forget about it and didn’t want to talk about it. We’re very happily married and nearly 8 years in. Don’t let it put you off just make it clear anymore lies and you’d have to end it.

Scrollbreadroll · 15/03/2024 18:28

@Purefructose I think you will find there was an overlap between you and her. If there were pics of them just a month before you met it’s very unlikely they split up suddenly the next day. I can imagine he was winding down with her at the same time he was seeing you.

Lavenderandbrown · 15/03/2024 18:35

Swinging from branch to branch never letting his feet touch the floor of the jungle.

More important than the timeline is what is he bringing to the relationship? Is he emotionally available financially secure? Own a home or have some type of stable housing? Does he see his children parent them properly? Can he do his own laundry meals cleaning and is he employed? OR does he need a female to provide this stability?

VillageOnSmile · 15/03/2024 21:26

His ex recently made her Instagram public and I can see that they were still together a month before we met and looking very happy.

Id assume there was an overlap or very close overlap between me and the ex.
Sorry…

Vonesk · 15/03/2024 23:43

Was his Lips moving ????????

seasaltbarbie · 18/03/2024 11:07

Im pretty sure my partner was not out of his last relationship long at all before we got together, we’ve never discussed it because I didn’t really want to know, as at the time it wasn’t serious so I didn’t really care. We’ve now been married for 7 years and have 2 kids. It could be a rebound but it’s also possible he was completely over her and ready for something new. Does he seem serious about you? Are you confident he is all for you? I never had any doubts that my partner adored me from day one. You’re not being unreasonable to be annoyed but it may not be a major issue.

rwalker · 18/03/2024 11:15

Relationship are over long before the final curtain comes down

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