I feel I’m doing a lot of covering up for these people which I shouldn’t be because I’m scared if I tell my Psychiatrist the truth they’re going to get into trouble, and lose them their job ect, and even get them in trouble with the police. That’s why I can’t tell them.
I’m 31, have ASD, BPD, Complex trauma, General Anxiety Disorder ect.
Parents care for me but are very emotionally abusive, mum sometimes even Physically, I’ve had to barricade myself in rooms as she’s screaming at me that I’m a bitch and she’s going to kill me.
She threatened me today during an argument where she turned on me and started calling me names and said at the end that she’ll smash something in a minute.
I know I need to cut both of them off which leaves me with literally no family besides 2 siblings which I fear if I do she’ll turn them against me and I’ll have nobody.
Is it better to have literally no one though than be treated in this way when I could just seek paid carers for my ASD instead of family? I’m genuinely going to struggle with no one due to the fear of abandonment that comes with BPD, I struggle to be alone.
My mother is hell bent on me never getting a job or having any life of my own. I mentioned about wishing to go more nice places in the world (had a few holidays with siblings which were good) and she flipped on me. I genuinely did nothing to warrant this.
Yet she accuses me of mood swings for having opinions, and got me professionally diagnosed with bipolar. After our vicious arguments where she is the one being horrible for no good reason, she then runs me down to my father or siblings, which supports her narrative I’m crazy.
I know I’m in the state I am mentally because of my parents, but I don’t know what to bloody do.
However if I continue this relationship with them I’m going to be very I’ll.
My siblings can’t get involved or stick up for me as they’re tied into the family dynamic and can’t/won’t get involved.
I highly suspect my mum may be Narcissistic and my father might have Autism as I’ve been diagnosed with it (ASD) and he has aggressive outbursts frequently.
He abused me Physically and emotionally during my childhood along with my mother.
They say I’ve always been difficult which just lowers my self esteem to rock bottom. Think it’s why I never really bother to seek employment.
What should I do? I’ve honestly even thought of ending my life as this is a situation which can’t change I feel. I’ve got no one.