Mother in law

[readytoexplode24]

Need some advice.

I've posted a bit about this before, so if it sounds familiar yes, she's back in my life.

My MIL is a very difficult person to get on with. She's money grabbing, she's a narc and only truly cares about herself.

We fell out last year and she didn't bother with me, dc or DH for nearly the whole year because I dared to tell her no.
She came back in our lives ironically at Christmas time. (No money wins to guesses why!)

She's now being evicted from her home, DH is rubbish at paperwork and his sibling lives to far away to help so she's expected me to do it all for her and help her get on the council list. I'm refusing to do it all, I've helped with the forms but pushing her to make the phone calls herself (trying to put boundaries in).
She keeps turning up moaning she's not heard anything and that if it goes through court she'll have to pay the court fees and can't afford that so the council need to hurry up and have I heard from them etc.
I just keep repeating she needs to call them herself and push it though which she's not.

Now, she's asking for "donations" for a big ticket luxury item. Saying it'll be her mothers days/birthday/Christmas presents all in one.
It's a huge amount of money, money I don't have (I'm in debt myself who isn't right now with COL )

I am so pissed off. I told her DH didn't even get me a birthday/Christmas/mother days present as we couldn't afford it as a obvious "don't ask we don't have the money" and she responded "well that's your problem".

She's now focusing on this luxury item rather than thinking about moving costs, and the potential that the council may not house her and she'll be forced to private rent and the fees that come with that.

Am I in the wrong to step back completely and just let her sort out her eviction/housing/council? I have my own things going on with my own family, my own health, my own kids she never helps me yet constantly thinks she can take, take, take, take from me! It's gotten to the point where I'm sat here constantly upset about it and can't think past how money grabbing she's being.

You need to step right back.

Even if your DH is rubbish with paperwork, he needs to get better at it. For him to wash his hands of her situation because of this is akin to weaponised incompetence (I can't do it so I'm not going to bother trying and improving).

She is not your mother.

The only concern I might have in relation to your DH and this big ticket item would be if he would try to arrange it for her using money or taking a loan out that might impact on your family. If you could be assured that he wouldn't do that, then I would simply direct her to speak with her son or the other sibling to get the matter resolved. Go completely "broken record" on her. Don't apologise for it, just keep pointing her in the direction of her son.

Your DH will either step up to the plate (because he has no option but to do that) or he will get so pissed off at her for her behaviour that he'll explode and she'll be left by herself and to fend for herself.

I'd recommend getting him the book by Susan Forward about Toxic Parents and another book by Caroline Foster about Narcissistic Mothers that would be worth getting for him to read and try to process how his mother has treated him and you over time and whether he might be able to see a way where she can still play a part in your lives but no longer has the strangle hold over him that she currently does.

Best of luck to you getting through this.

Your husband should be trying harder to be better at the paperwork. It sounds like it might suit him to leave you to it.

And even if he's bad at it. WHy are you still dealing with MIL? Why isn't she calling him and asking him to contract the council? Why is she talking to you about her gift request and not him? Why isn't he talking to her and setting boundaries and saying no?

It's his mum, not yours.

Another vote for his mum, not yours. Do not get involved. You have no obligation to sort out her life for her. Over to DH.

People treat us how we allow them. You can't be shocked that you've allowed a pisstaker back in to your life and she's now taking the piss.
Tell your husband that no family money is to go to the woman in any way, then just have zero to do with her. Your husband can indulge in her nonsense if he wants.