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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do inconsequential lies bother you in a relationship?

5 replies

MyCosyAquaSeal · 14/03/2024 11:40

My boyfriend of 2 years keep coming up with these small piddly annoying lies.

Things like telling me he's meal prepped but then I see a pizza box in his house next day and he goes 'Oh I did order pizza but didn't want to tell you'. I know he's struggling with his weight and there's a shame factor.

Or his mum tells me they were on the phone while he told me he's working out.

His lies are mainly by ommision and to impress/make himself look better. I feel bad because I think he lacks self esteem. His dad used to beat him up also whenever he thought he was lying so it didn't help either I'm guessing.

I don't like taking mental notes of everything he says and I'm also worried that this is an indicator of a wider problem. He seems to be a habitual liar and what if he lies about bigger stuff? What if he already has?

I told him this was a big deal for me and to be transparent with me going forward. I asked if I was not giving him space to feel safe enough to express his authentic self but he says it's just a bad habit since childhood that he's trying to better and nothing to do with me.

Would this be a deal breaker for you?

OP posts:
Sparetoes · 14/03/2024 11:43

Yes, I find these harder to deal with than "big" lies actually.

I'm not sure if it's my issue or theirs, but I really hate it when there's no reason to lie, but they still can't be truthful.

vincettenoir · 14/03/2024 11:44

Yes it does. Unfortunately I think these kind of lies are relatively common.

WoodBurningStov · 14/03/2024 11:44

My friends dh does this and it drives her insane. He's also really bad for bullshitting when talking to other people's hell big ip his life or make a story funny by talking bollocks.

Personally I couldn't have a relationship with someone who I was never sure was telling me the truth or not.

Peekaboobo · 14/03/2024 11:44

Lies bother me full stop.

Posts keep coming up on here and poster pile on to say "oh just say this or just say that". I have to actually point out to them that lying is wrong. You're not supposed to lie. It's bizzare.

perfectcolourfound · 14/03/2024 12:23

No lies are acceptable in a relationship.

Because if someone is willing to lie to you, they could be lying about anything, small or big. So you can't trust anything they say, and will never feel totally 'safe' in the relationship.

It shows a lack of respect for you and your relationship.

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