I'm married since ten years to the father of my children and our relationship has gone from bad to worse over the years. He is currently going through an ADHD diagnosis but I'm at the point where I fell that too my water may have past under the bridge. He has still to go back to the ADHD clinic and I dont know if he has contacted them again. I feel unheard, unaknowledged and quite frankly sometimes disrespected. I'm aware that it may not be personal but after so many times of voicing calmy and respectfully your thoughts and asking for help and seeing an improvement for a day or none at all, the resentment starts to accumulate.
The level of procrastination is surreal. We have recently been landed with a 4K fine from the tax office as due to several reminders, he failed to complete the tax return. Unaware to me, there was an unpaid parking fine and the debt collector came to my house and clamped our car on a Sunday morning. I had to pay a 1000 pounds and make up an excuse to my young children why we werent going to Peppa pig land anymore. The list is long.
I take care of our finances and pretty much all organisational stuff within the house. I'm emotionally tired. I have no family around and being in a new place, not many friends neither.
I have just gotten diagnosed with a brain tumour and had a bleed on the brain and feel that I need some help. We had a rare big fight yesterday as it transpired that he had not read up or investigated anything about my condition. For some maybe not a big thing, but for me it was a lack of empathy, thoughtfullness and a blasse attitude. The consultant recommended rest and no stress. I have looked into physiotherapy, yoga, water rehabilitation......anything to help me recover quickly and to the best of my abilities.
I have tried learning about the condition and have helped and offered encouragement. Lately I just feel like a nagging version of myself. He has of yet, no read anything about ADHD. I have suggested couples therapy with a specialist ADHD counsellor, post it notes, numerous lists, an electronical agenda, black board in the kitchen. The list goes uncompleted and at some point, a slightly angry wife picks it up because it needs doing.
But....the suggestions always comes from me. Husband doesnt want a divorce but seems happy to live in la la land eternally. I struggle with what is ADHD symptoms and what is a lack of self chosen " empathy and thoughtfullness "
He holds down a job, so that tells me to he is capable of some type of organization and focus. Maybe upon return home that is depleted?
I'm lost and feeling very lonely at the moment. On sick leave and the reality of my situation has hit me extra hard. I feel he drags us down. I still here because I don't think he is a bad man and I'm hoping medication may help. If not, I do not think I wish to stay. The situation is unsustainable and is affecting my mental health.
Did medication and a formal ADHD diagnosis improve your home life?
What resources was put in place to help manage his/her ADHD that actually helped?
I guess in the end, you can't continue trying to help somebody who does not put their owm effort into it, to your own detriment.