How do I initiate leaving my partner?

[overwhelmedelephant]

Apologies if this sounds really stupid and you are thinking ...just leave but I'm am really overwhelmed and I cannot think straight. I just know I need to get us out of here. We are toxic together. Today he told me he hopes my illness (a cold) is cancer and I die from it, in front of our child.

I can cope with the verbal abuse against me, whatever, but he does it in front of our child and it makes me sick to my stomach. I have pleaded with him, I have told him the only one he's hurting is our child, he never changes. He can control himself because it doesn't happen around others. Last week he told our child I don't love them because I hadn't heard them fall and hurt themselves (he believed I heard and ignored it). I said to him all you're doing is teaching them they are unloveable. It doesn't register in his thick head.

I am so done. The only way for this to stop in front of our child is either for me to die or leave. He's very good at making me feel hopeless and like I'd have nothing without him but I just did some calculations and we would be ok financially as my job pays well and as he'd have joint custody I could also up my hours on those nights. I worked out I'd get about £200 a month maintenance as well as all the child benefit too as our child would spent the majority of nights with me.

How do I initiate leaving? What do I need to do?

Mortgage, 1 child under 3, joint arrangement of childcare on non working days so logistically our situation wouldn't need to change much except child would overnight stay on our non working days.

I have 0 family around so please no suggestions of staying with family. I have friends but none in a situation to help. What are my next steps?

I won't have any savings until house is sold so wouldn't be able to put a deposit down somewhere

Bump

I’m sorry you are struggling with this. You’re doing the right thing for you and your child by leaving. I don’t have any advice on how to leave but hoping this gives your post a bump.

Here to give your post a bump too, OP. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this vile, abusive man. Would it be worth giving Women's Aid a ring? They might have some helpful advice on extricating yourself and your child safely from this awful situation.

1. gather the ID of your kids. Passports etc. any important paperwork you need. Put it somewhere safe.
2. tell him. “We are no longer a couple”
3. sleep separately. On the couch if you have to
4. tell your friends and
5. Start looking fur accommodation. Can you stay with friends?
6. get the ball rolling to sell the house.

Hey OP. You are a victim of abuse - I highly highly recommend reaching out to a DA Helpline or Women's Aid.

Do you have access to your own finances or is it all in a joint account?

Gather your important documents for you and your child and put them somewhere safe (give them to a friend) and, importantly, somewhere that Ex can't access them.

so sorry you’re going through this. what’s a piece of s to be hurting your child like this. Definitely reach out to the groups mentioned and plan before mentioning anything. I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell him you are no longer a couple etc without a place to go if things turn sour. You need to ensure you and child will be safe and i have a feeling your partner will not be man enough to leave the house until you guys work out the long term plan.

Thank you for your replies. I don't believe he would harm us and when he's alone with our child he's a doting dad.

We are both bad in this relationship but I don't think I can see it out any longer. Its like we make each other bad. I do worry I'm not strong enough when he starts being nice again.

I will try reach out to the women's aid and see if they can help.

The very first thing you need to do is to organise where you are going to live.

I also wouldn't do 50/50 with a man like that. He'll be slagging you off all the time to the kids I bet. And kids believe things.