Would it be bad to miss dad's birthday

[Dadbirthdaytogoornottogo]

My dad has a milestone birthday so organised a meal for the whole family next month. He checked the date with me well in advance as we are abroad (everyone else is local) and I said we'd make it work.

However he's since had health issues (not life threatening but annoying) so he won't know until a couple of weeks before whether it can go ahead.

I've held off on booking anything for now but if it does eventually go ahead I'm feeling totally overwhelmed about sorting everything out at short notice - booking travel & accommodation (which will be a lot more expensive last minute), getting time off work agreed for me & DH and time off school for DC (just one day)

I'm now leaning towards not going but I feel bad. We only go back home twice a year as it's a hassle (long journey with 2 DC under 5) and budget, so the initial idea was to go for a whole week and make it one of our yearly visits. But with the short notice we would only just go for a long weekend. It's feasible but so much effort it barely makes sense.

What would you do?

I’d book the time off in anticipation so, even if the big do doesn’t go ahead, I’d still see him.

I’d just go and see my Dad, regardless of the event taking place or not. Celebrate his birthday low key if he can’t manage original plans.

Surely you’re going to see him because it’s a big birthday, not just because there’s a meal/party booked?? Use it as one of your weeks whether it’s a family meal or not?

So his birthday was actually last month already so it's not like I'd be going to be with him on his actual birthday. (Sorry I realise I left out some critical information here!)

Him and I individually also don't have a close relationship. I speak to my siblings almost daily, I will have a 5 minute phone call with my dad every few months. I love him and I know he loves me but we don't really have anything in common.

So if the celebration doesn't happen I definitely wouldn't be going, I'll just be seeing him next time we go as normal. Especially as he might not even be in the area if the celebration isn't happening (second home on the seaside)

But if it does happen we'd definitely be leaving a big gap by not going (Mostly because he'd love to have the children there) so I'll probably have to get over my "can't be bothered with the hassle and expense" mindset!

Came on to say exactly this