Living with someone depressed and it’s making me depressed

[Justonmyway]

My brother moved in with us a few weeks ago. He was very unwell and not in a fit state to go home (and nor was his home in a fit state.)

I know he’s had a hard time but he’s so miserable. He walks around the place endlessly sighing and groaning and whispering to himself. Every so often he starts telling me how terrible his life is and he can’t see a future for himself etc.

It’s really, really getting me down.

That must be so hard. Your poor brother. But, poor you too! You must make time for yourself. Allow a period of time where he can talk to you but be firm how long that period is and how often. Do you have a time scale for him staying with you?
I'd find a happy place, whether that be a roon in your house or a place outside to go when it gets too much. Maybe some happy music or a funny podcast?

Also, I meant to ask, what help is be getting?

What's the 'hard time' he's had and why is he so miserable? Does he have a diagnosed mental illness?

He has a long history of depression and he does have a hard time of things. It’s partly self inflicted but I get that doesn’t help with negative thoughts and low self esteem and in fact makes things worse, but it’s really making me depressed as well. Any attempts to talk about anything that’s not him or his current situation are ignored. I sound like a really horrible person but just now he came in the lounge and I groaned as I just can’t take more woe and misery.

Tough love I’m afraid - sometimes I find being blunt and straight to the point spinning positives into conversation nips this woe is me attitude in the bud. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and think everything is so hard for you, and you alone but everyone has been through difficult times. It’s how you handle and respond to difficulty, you can’t let it define you. He needs to consider and truly focus on the good things in his life (roof over his head, having you for a start) and make a conscious effort to acknowledge them often to feel better in himself. I’m sure there are opportunities, capabilities he has that others don’t. He is always making a choice with how he wants his life to go, every day all day long. If he is really down then just little steps to better choices that will make him feel better - just a step at a time. The more you let people like this wallow the more they will use you as a sounding board of feeling sorry for themselves.

I have to admit there isn’t much positive in his life, and that really is sad. But endlessly going on about it is not helpful!

@Justonmyway massive squishes. Some people are just this way out.

I have severe depression but I do to my go and get tablets. I accessed self referral therapy. I get out and volunteer/walk/do things.

no one else can magically fix my life. That’s on me.

Does he need pushing towards a community mental health team? Is he taking medication?

Maybe he needs some tough love. One thing he’s definitely got going for him is a sister/family that love him.

Walking through his local Andys men's club on a Monday evening is one of the best things he could do for himself.
Also they have FB groups .
andysmanclub.co.uk/

Thanks. That would be a possibility but there isn’t one right on our doorstep so I’d have to take him, or DH would, and pick him up. Which means even less time together. It’s a mess. He’s on medication, that’s part of the problem!

Solidarity. I've lived with a very depressed person. I remember thinking it was like living with a dementor from Harry Potter some days.

uGGGHHH sounds like my husband, the walking down the corridor and groaning. He is on sertraline, high dose, and 5 nearly six years in and this shit doesn´t end. My daughter is 5.5 and the day she was off pre-school and stayed with him she had to "cover her ears because of all the ahhhhhh". I am at my wit´s end. So feel your pain.

Why are you responsible for housing him?