What childhood experiences can causes a person to hoard?

[Inawayalso]

I’m just wondering as I know of 2 siblings. One of them hoards and only buys second hand or free the other throws everything and buys brand new, always the most expensive brands, never second hand.

The hoarder really struggles with anxiety at the thought of throwing anything. I’m just wondering what kind of upbringing could create a hoarder? Let’s say for arguments sake the hoarder is not ND. Could the parents have been non emotional?

Growing up in poverty.

Growing up poor. Hoarding because you don’t know if you need that thing in the future. Or buy the most expensive branded thing because you couldn’t when you were little and now you can

A lack of respect of a child's things, parents who throw or give things away randomly. Siblings not pulled up on taking/breaking things that belong to the child.

Poverty in my experience on both counts, as @Jamiedodgers explained it.

hmmm in these guys situation the parents weren’t poor.

Sometimes hoarding can be linked to death. Any childhood bereavements?

I’ve always though of hoarding as a sign of deep-seated insecurity. So the hoarder is surrounding themselves with a stockade of possessions within which they feel safe and in control of the environment they have created.
It would be interesting if there were two siblings with the same family background, one of whom was a hoarder and the other one not…

Holding on to memories especially after a death if a close one

As for throwing thing out and buying new that can be OCD esp if home is kept immaculate

@maudelovesharold I know these 2 siblings, they are complete opposite. It’s like one has an unhealthy attachment to things and the other has no attachment at all.

I think it's a complex condition and there is unlikely to be a one cause fits all answer.

@MummaMummaJumma nope

I never throw anything away. I grew up very poor and had very few clothes ( I remember going to school on none uniform day in uniform, I must have had nothing that I could wear?)

I wonder if it’s the way the parents raised them. The mum does seem quite cold.

It can be for different reasons. The most common, as other people have said, is not having things when you were young. Either because of poverty or just because parents didn't allow it. I know I have a tendency to hoard a bit because my DM ruthlessly threw stuff out, saying 'You're too old to want that toy any more' or just because she was having a clear out. In addition, although they weren't poor I had very, very few clothes because in her mind this was a waste of money when children outgrew things so quickly. I mostly lived in a couple of sets of hand-me-downs and I never had anything nice. Other kids made sneery remarks about my clothing.

I tend to buy second hand stuff, because it's cheap - but I tend to buy too much of it. And hang on to it, in case I need it.

In addition, I was a single parent with not much money so I tended to hang onto stuff because I wouldn't be able to afford to replace it, and it might come in handy.

@Hatty65 although they weren’t poor I can definitely see the mum throwing stuff away ruthlessly because she doesn’t seem at all emotional, quite cold really.

It’s tricky. Sometimes it may take one experience (significant or seemingly insignificant) to shape someone’s perspective of life. The individual may then develop around the way they made sense of said experience. It’s also not uncommon for siblings to have near identical upbringings, yet have different life trajectories. Hoarding can also be a feature of OCPD and it can be really difficult to pin-point the origin, it could be linked to 1 in the billions of experiences an individual has had.

Does this limit the siblings ability to function day to day? Are they concerned about their well-being?

@MummaMummaJumma No. I was just wondering how they could be so different. Quite extreme in that one throws everything that hasn’t been touched in a few weeks and deems second hand to be below him and the other keeps everything and gets quite emotional about it.

Entirely this ^

Absolutely growing up poor. That's my excuse anyway!

But also the person's relationship to that fact. So many things about the siblings might be different to each other, even if upbringing environment was the same.

Different being poor amongst poor people, for example, than poor with wealthier school friends.

Different personalities also react in different ways, as do oldest, middle or youngest children.

I knew kids who grew up to be compulsive over workers, as well as kids who assimilated themselves with rich people and ended up in very well paid careers.

This sounds a little like me and my DB, we grew up quite well off but not with unlimited funds. My DB was always asking for things and my DM would give them to him but act stressed about it. I would then not ask for anything because I didn't want to pressure my DM. I never had enough clothes and even though we could have afforded it I'd wear shoes with holes in and my clothes were often way too small, to the extent I wouldn't be able to zip my jeans up, and my school tights would need to be pulled up every 2 mins.

I have been told many times I'm a hoarder. I instinctively hold onto boxes and mouldy food and I keep clothes until they've completely fallen apart even if I'm getting blisters. I still have some of my clothes bought from Oxam age 15. I'm also embarrassed to say I have various leaves and twigs in boxes in my house "just in case" (of what, I am not sure, but once they're in they aren't leaving).

My DB is a total spendthrift and has real issues with money - can't save, will rip people off, is really showy and extravagant when he does have it.

Oh, also, my DB would regularly steal or break my belongings. Maybe a similar dynamic existed with the people you know?

And he would steal money from my DM, which was very upsetting for her. He would force me to lend to him and then not pay me back.

He was such a knob, looking back!

Generational trauma.

I had a lovely, comfortable middle-class upbringing, but my parents are Holocaust survivors and that fear of hunger and the sense of loss of their past definitely influenced our lives.

Put it this way: I did not need to stockpile for Covid. You cannot starve in my house. Ever.

Hoarding can be a result of childhood trauma, it's safer to form relationships with things than people. Being surrounded by your things can be a source of comfort and create a sense of safety. It's a form of nesting behavior.

The Crappy Childhood Fairy channel on YouTube has some videos on this.

My mum hoards due to losing her mum very young but not being able to grieve/show emotion them consequently growing up with an emotionally neglectful father. They were a wealthy family too