Am I being dramatic?

[DreamyLurker]

Hi all,
I’m in a bit of a rut, I’ve been with my partner for close to two years - everything was great at the start however when I lost my dad instead of being there for me my partner chose to go to his friends stag and wedding in another country and whilst he was there whilst I was grieving and probably a bit clingy he told he didn’t care about me as he was trying to make the best of the situation.
I chose to deal with it and make it work, however I have now left this job and landed a better job however it is more draining instead of embracing the time we spend together, he says we don’t talk enough throughout the day but I do the best to make time when I have the ability however admittedly I do go to my bed early as I’m up at 5 working for 6/7 but the thing is I’m constantly getting messages saying “are you sleeping again?/ are you in your bed again” If I don’t reply quick enough at night even during the day. These kind of messages are really bothering me now I have spoken to him and he says he’s not bothered by me sleeping early but it is an issue. i think I’m still grieving as well because I’m struggling how someone at 37 can be so neglectful.

am I being dramatic?

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

I'm so sorry about your dad. Grief is a process. You can't rush it and there's no right way to do things. Has your OH ever lost anyone? Perhaps he's just genuinely clueless. My OH went to work the day after my brother died unexpectedly and left me with two small children on my own. I didn't think to ask him not to go as I had never lived through something like that, and he didn't have a clue either. The difference is once I said I was struggling to even stay awake due to the shock and grief he came straight home, and is still supporting me 2 years later when I have a bad day. Two months after my brother passed away my FIL had a scary health situation. My OH went abroad to be with him for just over 3 weeks. Was just something he needed to do, and we managed to get through it together. Not long after that I went abroad to deal with some stuff for my brother. What I'm getting at is that we supported each other the best way we knew how, worked it out as we went, spoke to each other when things didn't feel right and tried to do better next time.

When the littles were littler sometimes we'd be like ships in the night and weeks would go where we barely had a conversation as I was in bed by around 7pm to deal with all the night feeds and he was working. But again we had 'check ups' to see if everything was okay for the other or if anything needed tweaking and tried to make sure we were each getting what we needed to stay afloat.

I'd have a think about where your boundaries are. Perhaps it's no contact whilst you're at work? Invite him to do the same, then talk about it and agree on a middle ground which works for you both. It's not being dramatic, it's being pragmatic.

I’d be making this man your ex partner. He has shown you through both word and deed that his priority is him.

LTB - What does he bring to the table apart from negativity?

You were grieving and he told you he didn't care about you. You need to make him an ex and fast.

Honestly, looking at this from the outside I can't see why you would stay with anyone who treated you like that after your lovely dad died. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve so much better than that prick. Do what you can to get out of it.