Is this guy flirting with me ?

[nottoooldsurely]

I am separated. I had an on and off long term love affair back in Uni but it didn't work out in the end and we went out separate ways.
Now we are back in touch via a group of old friends. We were both in the same city recently and he asked to meet up if I was still around. I couldn't but now the tone feels like it's become a bit more intimate. I'm getting on a bit in years so don't tend to think of it being flirtatious but am beginning to think it is ! He sent a photo today of himself and I began to wonder. Is it wrong to enjoy a bit of excitement?? Even if you feel old??

What if we do actually meet ??

No harm in going for a daytime coffee and a chat. In a public place. You can never be too careful these days.

Otherwise, go for it.

Well I know him really well over many years when we were young and the last few years in the group again so I'm not scared or anything like that. Well only a bit scared of the meet up itself I suppose on an emotional level.

Is he married?

The most important question is, do you fancy him?

Well I've only seen him over one weekend two years ago since we were in our twenties - hard to say how I feel now for sure. A mix of memories and connection, and new perspective and guarded interest.

You're older, but still alive, no reason why you can't flirt, age needn't stop that - not until I'm in my grave, never too old for fun.

Think it's more I presume not but suddenly thought hang on maybe he is. I think it would be nice to meet up as friends and grab a coffee or drink and see what he's like now.

No harm whatsoever in a coffee, then you can find out more about his relationship status etc. I’d do that sooner rather than later incase he is married and before you become too invested in it

You haven't answered rhe married question.

Why didn't it work out when you were younger? Is he with someone now?

Hi- he has been married twice. First wife was with gf after me and I married too.
When I met him a couple of years ago but didn't really speak to him he was married wife not there. Now I wonder if he is separating as he has started messaging me and he is moving house. So no clue what is going on really. There's been nothing untoward said but just messaging at all on the previous background is noteworthy. He messaged me a bit like this after being divorced before getting remarried.

He's definitely being friendly, go for a coffee

It just didn't. It was a long winded on and off affair early on then between partners over a while. We were both equally disorganised and not really committed but I was the more heartbroken one but decided to marry someone else eventually as I was fed up and he became more serious with someone else ( now divorced)

Meet him for coffee/tea, but I would want to make sure that he is really divorced before meeting him.

Sounds interesting but I would say alarm bells for me because: he was on off with you- why?
Since you he's had new gf, married, divorced, 2nd new gf, 2nd time married, 2nd time divorced and now back to you again?
Sorry to spell it out like that but each of these stages takes a lot of time and thought (usually) so could he be a commitment-phobe /grass is always greener type?

TBH I would be a bit wary. The fact that you are even asking means that you have your own reservations. Wait for someone who gives that tingle!

Alarm bells correct for the on and off in our twenties - I was the hurt one. But saying that equally erratic.
Part way through I met my husband , he met his first wife. We went out with these people but during breakups got back together.
We both split with our partners and got together briefly - he then got back with his future rather dominant first wife. I never spoke to him again. I married and never saw him. I caught up through fb some years ago he asked to meet but it turned out he had a gf ( would be second wife) and in any case I didn't really want to meet. I saw him two years ago for the first time jn 30 years but didn't really speak to him I felt awkward about the whole thing.

Probably that's not the problem more like unresolved past.

But I'd like to try to be friends, why not?

Yes so I was the heartbroken one - I guess that's the reason to be wary.
So many years have gone by though, now whatever happened wouldn't really impact me emotionally.

Would it be a mistake to watch ' One Day'

Lol re One Day.
So you were on off with your XH too? Maybe it's just the way you were both were at the time? Maybe he was heartbroken by you just like you were?
Might as well meet him as long as no one else would get hurt but just be mega cautious in case it's his MO and you're the rebound to ease him after his divorce?
Just don't be all over him if you see him!
Does he know you were heartbroken?
Definitely one to play it cool I think but meet him and see?

Oh yes he knew. Yes he was involved too it was special in some ways but I was definitely the hurt one. Having said that we were both equally erratic and I had loads of other interested guys or people U was in and off seeing a lot of the time. But it was generally known in our group I was the in love one. Which is embarrassing in itself!

Mm I sort of agreed to meet but think if things follow the old pattern he will lose interest .. think it's better to be very careful here. Not sure if I can be easy friends.