Cheated on with no eggs

[rachhhh]

Hi everyone

Looking for some support/advice. I am 33, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend coming up to 2.5 years, I love him very much and thought he was my person. We have been making plans to start trying to a baby later this year, I honestly thought I had it all set and was never happier than I was with him.

Last weekend everything was ripped from beneath me when I found out he'd be cheating for over one year with one women, and with at least 2 others on several occasions throughout the relationship, often unprotected. I thought he loved me and was happy, so I am so shocked and heartbroken.

I worry what to do next and feel so anchor-less, I had my fertility checked around 6 months ago and I have a low egg reserve, so I worry he has taken the last of my fertile years, or I won't have enough time to find someone else and have a child, which is something I really want in life.

So yes, any guidance, advice, support, anything would be so appreciated

Thank you

Oh god, I am so sorry. I don't know how much guidance I have for you but honestly, what a cruel thing for him to do. You didn't deserve that at all. Can you afford to freeze some eggs? If so, I think I would, to take some of the pressure off.

If a baby is your top priority, you could do it with donor sperm.

anyway, this man seems like a monster, and you probably need to get rid of him, regardless.

The feeling of discovering infidelity is awful and I remember it too clearly but the shock and dreadfulness you feel about it right now will pass

Having a low egg reserve doesnt mean youve lost your chance, a friend was told she had virtually none left and fell pregnant very quickly, she has multiple children now and is a very years older than you. So don't lose hope :)

That said, if you are able to afford it, in your shoes I would look into egg freezing If you can.

Are you managing to eat anything at all? Do you have support nearby?

As pp has said,it may turn out to be just fine,a colleague of mine was told she had low egg reserves and was likely to go into early menopause,she had 3dc very close together then another 10 year later.
Give yourself time to heal from this betrayal and then hopefully someone who truly deserves you will come along.

Sorry but the baby thing is totally irrelevant to the ongoing status of this man in your life.
He's vile and needs binning.

Then either you find someone new and have kids in future with them or you pursue another route for kids.

33 is still young. Plenty of time left yet.

But side note - if you find yourself obsessing on kids to the extent it makes you consider staying with a crap partner then its an unhealthy obsession. If you don't have them then you don't have them, it'll hurt for a time and then you'll find other dreams. Don't get caught up obsessing over what ifs or what if nots, otherwise the obsession will ALWAYS be a regret because its the thing that'll ruin your life.

I can imagine this is shattering for you, OP.

Firstly, definitely do not have kids with him. Honestly, whichever way you look at it this is not a good idea. Don't think of him just as a potential sperm donor - you'll be stuck co-parenting with this idiot for 2 decades. That's a NO. He isn't going to be reasonable and he isn't going to be a dad your child deserves.

Now, moving onto children - if you're in this position, I would seriously consider IVF on my own if you can afford solo parenting and have family support. You can have eggs frozen as part of the process. Realistically, you need time to heal. You are unlikely to have a new, steady relationship immediately. You need a couple of years to know your future partner is the right guy for you. You may well wake up in your late 30s with your Mr Right, but with no eggs left. I know what I would do, but like I said, you'd need to work out if you can afford to go solo with support from family. Good luck.

I was told I have very low Amh levels, which I was told meant I didn’t have many eggs left for my age (36 at the time). I fell pregnant the following month, having carefully monitored my ovulation.

If your priority is having a baby, I would consider a sperm donor or egg freezing. Please do not have children with the man you thought you knew. His actions are duplicitous and selfish, neither of which are good traits for a father.

And btw, what a bastard! I'm livid on your behalf that he has done this to you, it's the worst fucking age to come across a parasite like him! Really sorry, OP. Thank god you didn't marry him and have kids though, that's how I'd look at it long-term.

Would you say that to a woman who had a baby with a man who abandoned her? Is it always selfish to have a baby with a sperm donor? I know lots of people who would make good parents but don't have a partner. I'm not sure you can write off having a child solo as always a selfish decision.
Incidentally, why are you blaming this on her "poor choice" of man, rather than a man who made poor choices? You seem horribly judgemental.

Having a child is always technically a selfish decision isn't it? Irregardless of the fine print. I mean its not like we ask to be born xD. Who the hell would want to be brought into all this bullshit?

As for those who deliberately go it alone...I don't think they're any more selfish than people who bring children into crap relationships. I mean at least they really want the child instead of it being an accident.

Sure, kids do deserve two, GOOD parents.
Then again, we can't always have everything we want. Why should it be any different from the off?

I wouldn't do it. I don't have any interest in perpetuating this shit show. Of foisting it upon some other poor little bugger. But I'm a selfish git in a multitude of other ways to make up for it xD

What is wrong with you?! How have you managed to make this horrible man’s choices to continuously cheat on his partner her fault?!

OP if you read what this awful person has written, ignore it, she’s obviously a twat.

As others have said, dump him and focus on healing. There is hope and I know of someone who was told their going through early menopause who know have 3 children and someone else who had a baby with a sperm donor following the breakdown of her relationship (where the ex boyfriend had low sperm and ended the relationship).
Please just focus on yourself and be with your loved ones xx

Thank you so much for all the lovely people who took the time to reply to me, this has really helped me in a challenging time. I keep re reading the messages for support and motivation. Thank you, and ps I know it wasn't my bad choice in men...I definitely never saw this coming