Girls jobs and the end of a relationship

[georgiamae98]

I know I'm always on here asking for relationship advice etc. but I don't know who else to talk to.
I have been with my partner 6 years and we share a 5 year old DD. For the last 18 months or so we have been very up and down. It came out that he had a secret alcohol problem and he moved out of the family home for 3 months. He's now 10 months sober and doing well on that side of things. However, when he came back home he promised to change and speak to more and nicer and help out. Unfortunately this has slipped back and we have had a massive row over the weekend and I am currently at my mums. Every time we have spoke about what's gone on his issue is I don't do the "girls jobs" in the house (Cook, clean, wash clothes) i 100% do pull my weight and never stop! I work full time too in a physical and mentally draining job! And granted sometime the clothes wash can overwhelm me.

Would you go back and accept that is how life is?
I feel guilty on being the bad guy and not agreeing with girls/boys jobs and ruining life for my DD. My partner is self employed works 7 days a week, all the hours of the day and avoids coming home or isn't happy at home yet he says he doesn't want me to go anywhere.

No I would not go back - that isn't how life is or should be.

You aren't the 'bad guy'.

He is an addict.
He's lied.
He's promised to change and failed.
He's a sexist pig. Which means he's a poor model for your DD to live with.

Why would you go back? Life doesn't have to be like that. I'm a lot older than you, and my DH doesn't refer to girl jobs and biy jobs. Because he's an intelligent, decent human being who has respect for me and for women generally.

You deserve better. Please don't go back. This is him at his best it seems - can you imagine the rest of your life with him? And the impact that will have on your DCs??

Ask him why he can't do the boys jobs of not being an alcoholic home avoider with a sexism problem?

Why would you want to bring up your DD with someone that thinks there are girls and boys jobs.

This comment nails it.

My partner cooks, does the laundry, hoovers, irons, cleans the kitchen - far more "girl jobs" than I do "boy jobs".
Don't set such low standards for men. He's a lazy sexist pig. You need to be a better role model for your daughter and stop tolerating this nonsense.

He'd rather hide pretending to work rather than do his share of parenting and housework so he adds to the work and the mess without contributing to doing his share of it!

My DP and I live separately so the problem doesn't arise. I might occasionally change the sheets at this house, or do the washing up. But that's all, and I don't feel obliged to do it. He's got two hands so I let him get on with it. And so should you! "Girl jobs" indeed!

Tell him that if this is your 'job' then you resign.

I struggle with the thought of leaving my home (I don't own it) and ruining things for my daughter. I have just come off the phone with a therapist I have been working with and she has been taking notes and has said that my relationship sounds emotionally abusive. When I speak to her I can see it and understand where as after I now feel in some sort of denial

Ruining what for your daughter? He's an emotionally abusive sexist alcoholic who is never there! What's to miss?

He doesn't want you to leave because he needs someone to do the "girl jobs" for him.