guy abusing friendship - should I get involved?

[MeTooOverHere]

Adam 65m claims to be friends with Bernie 55m (I can't be sure if he is or not).

Adam is gay and seems to have a thing for Bernie's father Carl 80m.

I was recently in a situation where Adam was describing his latest social meet-up with Carl and Carl's new wife Debbie 55f (who is friends with both Bernie and his wife). Carl was happily married to Bernie's mother for 45 years, was absolutely devastated when she passed away but remarried some years later.

The way Adam spoke was toe curling, not so much the words, but the tone and inflection in his voice made it very clear what he felt towards Carl. At one point he made a comment re Carl and Debbie that was completely off. Let's just say he's very obviously very jealous of Debbie.

Adam seemed to be trading on his friendship with Bernie and I think everyone present cut him slack because of this. I was gobsmacked and could not speak up, though I really wish now that I had.
If someone who was my friend made comments like that re my father I'd be livid.

If the someone was not my friend but masqueraded as such, I'd be doubly livid.

I feel I should alert Bernie to this incident. No point in alerting Carl, but it seems to me that Bernie should know his so-called friend made these comments re his father to a group of people.

You'll need to be more specific if you want people to comment/understand

A 55 year old woman is married to an 80 year old man?

Adam is gay and open about it but he's straight acting, so not obviously gay. I have no idea if Carl or Bernie are aware. I had been told sometime previously that Adam and Bernie were friends but that seems to be Adam's say-so.

The table was 10 of us inc Adam. Not Bernie, Carl or Debbie obviously.

Someone made a comment about 'your friend Bernie' and Adam then went off in to a detailed description of how he'd gone to a business networking thing recently and there was Bernie's dad Carl and his wife Debbie and then he launched into how fit Carl is and how his body looks so great, how the new wife (they've been married a few years now) is the same age as Bernie and DIL, then a really loaded comment about how "lucky" Debbie is to be married to Carl.

He told us Carl and Debbie are going to be at another bigger business networking thing in a few weeks and he is considering attending it too "as I'd drive ANY distance to see Carl again in the flesh". It's a further hour's drive away. I suspect he may have gone to this recent event just to 'bump into' Carl.

This was all said in really OTT manner, he was almost gagging. No-one else said anything. It felt stalkerish to me but I said nothing because I was caught off-guard. Who says things like that at a table with people who are business associates?

As I said, if my friend was saying things like that about my father I'd be livid. I hear Bernie and Carl are close, and I suspect people are cutting Adam a lot of slack on account of he tells people he is Bernie's friend.

I have looked through both Adam and Bernie's social media and there is nothing to show they are friends. They aren't FaceBook friends, they have no FB friends in common, they have no interests in common, they have different backgrounds. They don't live or work or grew up anywhere near each other. I can find no overlap at all.

I only know Bernie on a head nodding basis and I know people always say 'Stay out of it' in these cases but I feel the OTT, semi-public nature of the comments warrants a heads-up to Bernie. Esp if Adam is going to start showing up at business events and claiming some sort of personal connection to them.

Yes, it can happen.

Adam is gay and open about it but he's straight acting, so not obviously gay.

I’ve read this several times but still don’t get it.

Adam sounds like a bit of a dick but you deep diving on people’s social media doesn’t paint you as virtuous either.

I dont see how you can judge someone elses friendship by their social media? And your judgement of whether they overlap? It sounds like Adam is a bit of a show off and you don't like him. Who is Bernie to you? I would keep out of it

I’m wondering just how hot this 80 year old actually is tbh.
You sound frankly over invested in this whole thing. Don’t say a word. Keep your fb stalking quiet.

I think it was grossly inappropriate at a business lunch to say things like that and I'm pretty sure the overarching organisation would not be too happy. I was gob smacked by his comments and definitely didn't like him, despite his apparent importance within the chapter. I won't be going back since that's what their lunches are like. I guess if he says it in enough places to enough people, word will get back to the family anyway. Thanks for your advice.

Why do you put f or m after the ages?

So Adam fancies an octogenarian (as does Debbie) and he made some OTT comments over a work social lunch about how attractive he is.

You are livid and have gone on a mission to deep dive all of this.

Fascinating.