Will I regret ending my relationship?

[Purrykitten]

I've been with my DP 7 years (I know, I know - 7 year itch springs to mind) but after months of battling in my brain I think I've decided that I'm no longer happy in my relationship and I want out.

No one has actually done anything wrong. My feelings have just changed and I'm not in love anymore and I'm not happy in this relationship. I think the build up of 'little things' over time has become bigger things. I've spoken to him about it and he's trying to fix it but it's just too late. It just feels more like a friendship now. We still have sex but I feel guilty afterwards which is a horrible feeling and puts me off wanting to be intimate at all.

I need stories of people who have been through similar. Did you regret it?

We have a house, a DD and I do rely on him financially (but am in a position where I could get a better job and more money, have just chosen to be part time with my DD). He loves me. But I'm trying to think about those things separately as I don't want to stay on a relationship just because of financial reasons or because of my DD. I've experienced first hand how happy, separated parents is better than unhappy, together parents.

I think your DD is young enough that she won't remember you being together in a few years.

How would you feel about spending time being single? Say if it was a few years? Would you be more lonely on your own or with your partner?

Personally, I think being unhappy is a good reason to leave. I left my marriage because I was unhappy and I've never once regretted it. As the years go on, I become more and more glad that I had the guts to call it. I'd have missed out on so many cool experiences and not been able to date some really great people. I'm very happy with my own company though. And I consider myself a serial monogamist. I wouldn't want to be with one person until I die.

This is what I needed to read, thank you

I wouldn't say 26 is early 20s but like you said, I'm here now, can't really change that and wouldn't because my DD is everything to me. Of course she comes first and is at the forefront of my mind. If she didn't exist, I'd have probably left already.

I was about the same age as you when I left too.

I've had so much fun throughout my thirties that I would have missed out on.

It's not all been sunshine and roses, obviously. But I can't imagine staying with my ex would have been either.

I think a good test if you look at worst case scenario (eg you alway struggle financially remain single etc) and work out of you'd still be happier you left.
If so its very clear you should leave.
If not or you are not sure I'd think twice.

I do know couples who split in their late 20s early 30s (woman leaving the men) and the woman thought it'd be a breeze to meet someone else. It's not and i know 2 of them really regret breaking up.
BUT would they regret it if they had easily met someone else? Probably not... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was in a similar position last year OP, though we don't have children. LTR of 9 years, I was struggling along unhappy for a few years before I decided I needed to leave. He did nothing wrong either, lovely guy, but I just didn't feel love or any desire for him. Sex was frequent but I hated it most of the time and started resenting him for "making me" (he wasn't it was just how I felt)

Not going to lie it was extremely difficult, I broke his heart and mine doing it, felt guilty all the time and kept questioning why I just couldn't be happy with him. But you can't just make that happen, you CAN struggle along pretending but who's that helping?

As long as you're both decent people and you put ALL you effort into co-parenting properly your DD will be fine. You and your partner will likely go on to meet someone else, or maybe you won't, either way you need to be happy or resentment will grow.

You don't need permission from anyone (least of all anyone on here giving you crap) to split, just do it with kindness and grace and give yourself plenty of time to get over it

Thank you so much!!! Needed this

🙋‍♀️ this is me, with some added minor infidelity on his part that I wish I could go back to find out about again and leave this time! Partly to stop me being the bad guy if I ended it, particularly now that he is being a 'perfect' partner.
We also have a 10 year age gap and 2 DD under 5. I think I have just outgrown him but too scared to leave because of the kids, finances, potentially making a massive mistake & feeling selfish for doing so because he would be heartbroken.
Just wanted you to know that you're not alone 💐

Wow! Seven years really isn’t that long.
You should really have thought about entering a relationship more seriously in the first place.

What is it about him that you are unhappy with? Did it become apparent after your DD was born or has it been a problem longer?

Don't be ridiculous. No one knows how they'll feel in the future.

It's a relationship, not life in prison.

I ended my 8 year relationship and didn’t regret. I’m now married with my equal and I can never see us growing bored of one another.

You’re 28. It’s far too early to consider settling or even working through difficulties. Go and live!

Uh?

What 😂

It's in the words of the song 'just don't know where it went wrong, but the feeling's gone and I just can't get it back.' End of.
Best of luck in your future, time flies don't waste it.

I'll probably get hate for this but I had doubts before DD came along. I know.... 'Why have a baby with him then?' But life is complex! The doubts have intensified since DD though and feelings have sadly changed

Thank you ☺️

Thank you. Hope everything gets better for you. Mine's become a 'perfect partner' too which doesn't help the guilt. Worried about all the other stuff too but really trying to separate those issues and focus purely on the relationship

God, there's some weird responses on this thread!
If you aren't happy, it's not fair on either of you to stay - it's cruel to pretend. People behave like splitting up is the thing that damages kids, but its actually the behaviour of the parents before and after that's important.
It's a hard choice - depends on the problems really, but it isn't right on you, him or your child to stay in a relationship you aren't happy with.

What a ridiculous thing to say?! 🤣🤣🤣

Its not like she’s backtracked after three weeks.

I think you should reframe it and think about how you are not doing right to your partner. Set him free to find someone who thinks he's the best thing ever. Complicated by your daughter but hanging on isn't going to be right for any of you.

There's a help book "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay" but in your case I don't even think it sounds that close.

Some very unhelpful posts on here.
If the OP had posted and said she didn't love him anymore but felt stuck because of her child and because of finances she'd be told she was selfish staying when she didn't love him and was using him for security and she needs to let him go so that he can find someone who deserves him!!

But when she says she's unhappy and has been trying but it hasn't changed then people tell her to stay 🙄🤔

I left an unhappy (but not abusive) marriage. We met at 21 and had children at 29...
I changed, he changed, we tried, but neither of us was happy for a long time. I met someone (and trust me, that isn't the way you want your relationship to end), but over time my ex husband has said 'we should have broken up a long time before'. We are great co-parents. We get on well now, but we wouldn't have lasted as a couple... Life is short. My kids are loved, well adjusted and much happier than they would be in a unhappy household. People who say differently and talk about 'sticking it out' may want to check how that felt for their kids...

I had the exact same thing and I what I would say in hindsight is - IGNORE THE OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE. I had all my family telling me to "stick it out" and "work on it". I would never dream of saying that to anyone who told me they were unhappy!!! At the end of the day this is your life and your relationship and not theirs. Nobody elses business.

No hate from me. To tell you the truth, even on my wedding day I was thinking in the back of my mind that I could always get divorced.

In my forties now, I would have called the wedding off with doubts like that. But in my twenties, I didn't have that confidence. It was so right on paper that it felt like I should ignore any doubts.