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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Court tomorrow with abusive narcissist

13 replies

Sobaditsfunny · 11/03/2024 13:34

I'm sh**ing it about tomorrow. Its a child arrangements hearing. We had an urgent hearing to prohibit him taking the children abroad and this is our first normal hearing tomorrow. I had to file a statement, he had to respond. He's written a 30 page response including photos of us happy, fathers day treats etc. I very stupidly didn't write lots on my statement and panicked he'd be upset about seeing the facts on paper. I stated the facts since separation and what caused the separation.

He has responded with the most infuriating lies stating how he gave me loads of money, I reported the assault because I was angry he wouldn't give me more money. I didn't care about the children's education, I've always had toxic relationships. Absolutely everything is a lie and the total opposite of me.

Cafcass said no contact for now (from him) until fact finding is done. This will be decided tomorrow. He wants every Sunday and 1 overnight alternate weekends. He's opposed our holiday and I'm not sure of his position on the lives with order.

He's stating if I'm telling the truth about the abuse why did I agree to child contact.

But if I don't agree I'm purposely putting barriers in the way of their relationship. Can't win.

I'm scared about tomorrow, I don't know what to expect. I do know he has got himself a new top solicitor and will come accross as being reasonable and charming whilst attempting to paint me as mentally unstable (as he's suggested).

Any advice from people who have dealt with abusive/narcissistic partners in court??

OP posts:
Villagetoraiseachild · 11/03/2024 13:39

Good Luck op.
You don't have to be in the same room and can request this, if this is not already in place.

Sobaditsfunny · 11/03/2024 14:38

Thank you. They've put it as special measures so we'll be in the same room but have a screen so I won't see him.

OP posts:
Casdentwo · 11/03/2024 14:43

Social worker told me they see past this as its very common tactics from xh(s) .the judge in my case held fact finding and only allowed one letter a month to dc which I was allowed to read first to make sure he wasn't manipulating them

Sobaditsfunny · 11/03/2024 14:57

@Casdentwo what did the fact finding involve? I'm worried it's going to be searching for evidence and focusing on unpleasant incidents for the next 12 weeks. I'm so worried about tomorrow, I really hope the judge sees through it.

OP posts:
Scaffoldingisugly · 11/03/2024 16:27

Take a couple of paracetamols before you go. Keep that temperature down.. Because you will get stressed and hot... Don't be afraid to ask for a drink of water or a break.
Take a tissue.. Deep breaths.. Ime judges can see through lying twats.

WhamBamThankU · 11/03/2024 16:47

There should be water infront of you on the bench. Are you self representing?

Sobaditsfunny · 11/03/2024 18:30

Good idea @Scaffoldingisugly I have a barrister who I hope to use next time too unless he's completely run me out of money by then. If I agree to contact will it be viewed that I'm not safeguarding the children? He's never done anything to the children but there have been some serious issues between us both.

OP posts:
Casdentwo · 11/03/2024 18:40

Fact finding was social services report doctors report and school report. Yes it brings up past events but as long as you've put plans in place to support dc then that's what matters. ( to see you have dc best interests) agreeing to contact is fine the court decides what is appropriate

Sobaditsfunny · 11/03/2024 22:58

@Casdentwo okay thank you. I had visions of having to gather evidence and witnesses so this has put my mind at ease.

OP posts:
WhamBamThankU · 12/03/2024 09:35

Good luck for today OP

Purpledragonz · 12/03/2024 19:47

Hey OP, how did it go?

Sobaditsfunny · 12/03/2024 22:29

@Purpledragonz it went better than I expected. The judge didn't really entertain any of the allegations he'd made about me. There was a lot of discussion/disagreement between everyone in the room regarding the necessity of fact finding. Eventually the judge overruled cafcass recommendations and decided against the fact finding but to do a Section 7 and trial supervised contact. Next hearing is mid July. Glad that's over with but I'm drained now. Thanks everyone for your support.

OP posts:
Purpledragonz · 12/03/2024 23:28

So happy to hear
They saw right through him 🙏

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