Hi guys.
I'm extremely low & in a very bad place. So plz be kind. I'm here to basically feel I can relate to people and see some light x
I'll keep this short as I can.
I'm a mum of 3 (shared with their Dad)
Met a new man a year ago. He was incredible at the start. There was nothing he wouldn't do for me. I'd been on my own a while. I was looking my best, feeling generally good. Very motivated. I'd just moved house with the kids and was decorating every day. Life felt good even though I had a lot onEtc...
He has no children, his own mortgage, decent career. He was so helpful. He'd help me with DIY that I couldn't do. Always wanted to go on dates. He'd spoil me. Very generous. If he didn't stay at my house, I'd still wake up with a coffee at my door. Honestly Prince Charming.
After a bit, I started seeing some cracks.. subtle ones. He would snap at me over nothing. Example.. I washed the pots the wrong way at his after dinner. But he was sorry quickly. A few times I gave the Benefit of the doubt. He then on occasion was very negative. I need a new bathroom, and I was looking at budget bathrooms and he'd say "like you're gonna be able to afford that" just chopping away at my confidence to be honest.
Don't judge me please on this BUT I fell pregnant in October just gone. I was herendously sick. So poorly. I was in bed all day for 7 weeks. On top of looking after the kids. 2 are teenagers & were my rock. During this time, because I didn't see him as much & couldn't be my usual self he took it as total rejection. And the abuse started.
He said "I hope your baby is ugly" all sorts of vile stuff. I thought I cannot do this and I had an abortion to save myself. And my kids. I was extremely sad after and I still hate myself for it.
I was very vulnerable after that and saw him a bit but nothing like before. I was totally lost.
He'd make me feel bad and say he was grieving the baby ???? I was only 7 weeks gone.
Anyway, he's shown utter jealously over my 5 year old boy. When he doesn't stay over my boy will sleep in bed with me. We love cuddles and he says it's weird that I allow my son to sleep with me etc. he says our child would not of been spoilt like my son etc. he's just nasty and it's offensive.
He's totally devalued me if I'm quite honest.
Towards the end.... the last few months he'd Josh at me for everything.
He'd say my mattress was too soft and I snore so he'd storm out at 3am and go home??
I'd just had my car cleaned and he got in the car and he said my car was a tip?? I went to see him and he said you look beautiful but are you wearing my T shirt? (T shirt dress) when he'd been not nice to me I'd back off and he'd text me saying do you need sex??
I'm not stupid and it's all come to light now. I have dumped him. Blocked him on everything as I'll always chose myself & my babies. End of story.
I'm mad at myself for feeling so down & depressed. I miss who he was or pretended to me. I don't know how he could be so jealous all of a sudden over my kids.
Looking back, he chipped away very slowly at me. I'm not perfect, I gave it back but it was always me reacting.
I also felt he was mirroring me a lot. Whatever I bought, so would he, whatever I did, so would he. It made me feel like I had no identity as he was copying it.
Anyway... I cried all week last week stayed in bed. (I work from home)
Yesterday I had to make effort for Mother's Day. I paint a happy face on when kids get in from school. I just feel not good enough. Crap. I feel an idiot for thinking i was actually loved. I feel like a stupid single mum now again I'm empty.
I'm really trying to pull myself together. I loved him so much & hate the thought of him being with someone else. But I won't go back. Even if he wanted me.
Does this sound like a narcissist? What the hell has just happened xxx