Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Nowhere to turn

15 replies

HelenaWaiting · 11/03/2024 07:06

Hi, I'm new here. I don't know whether this is the right forum, or if there are even any answers to my situation. I suspect there aren't.

I want to stress right now that I have no plans to harm myself. I just have no interest in living any longer.

In a few months time my eldest son will marry and bring his bride to live in my home. At that point they will edge me out. I, my son says, can go and live in a rented flat. They don't want to start married life with "a horrible old woman hanging round our necks". I'm 63.

My beautiful home, the only possession I have worth anything, I have spent all my working life paying for. It hasn't been easy. I was widowed when my two children were six and two. I raised them alone. My plans for retirement in four years time, at which point my mortgage will be paid up, were to live free of housing costs. I would have been comfortably off with my pension. All that is in tatters now. I'll be paying rent for the rest of my life.

My son moved back home two years ago because I have MS and had a series of falls, although I still work full-time. He met his fiancee just over a year ago. I would have been happy to welcome her here, but then the comments started. How friends were coming over from the USA in August and they would invite them to stay but I was in the way. Stuff like that. Culminating in his 'offer' that I should leave and they would take over paying the mortgage. Which has only four years to run.

After enduring months of his screaming abuse at me, slamming doors, threatening to leave and take my dog, breaking my possessions, I have no fight left in me. Every time I try to talk to him he manages to twist things so that I'm in the wrong. So I just spend my evenings crying in my room.

Sorry this is so long, but even if no one reads or replies, at least I have got it off my chest, somewhat.

OP posts:
YoureWinningAtLife · 11/03/2024 07:17

Are you in the U.K.?
63 isn’t technically old, but I would think this falls under elder abuse. Please report and get help to have him evicted from your home.
https://www.gov.uk/report-abuse-of-older-person#:~:text=Reporting%20abuse,risk%20or%20is%20being%20abused.

More info here
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/
What will happen when I report abuse or neglect?
When you report abuse to the adult safeguarding team at your local council, they'll listen to the information you give them and assess what action is required. They'll ensure that you feel in control of what happens.
If you're the person at risk, you can ask for someone who you trust to support you, or you can ask for an advocate. If you have difficulties, or don't have the mental capacity to engage with the process, the local council may have a duty to appoint an advocate.

I hope you can find the right help and support and then just go no contact with your awful abusing son. So sorry you are having to deal with this Flowers

Report abuse of an older person

Tell the council if you're worried that an older person is being neglected, threatened or being taken advantage of - also known as 'elder abuse'.

https://www.gov.uk/report-abuse-of-older-person#:~:text=Reporting%20abuse,risk%20or%20is%20being%20abused.

HelenaWaiting · 11/03/2024 07:52

Thank you so much for replying. I am in the UK. It's a bit more complicated. Last year he persuaded me to take out a loan for him. He gives me money every month to pay the loan. If I report him, he's gone, and I'm left with a debt I will struggle to pay off. I think he's relying on that.

OP posts:
Mountainclimber50 · 11/03/2024 07:55

Sell the house. Pay off the debt. Buy a one bedroom flat. Ignore your son.

Eviebeans · 11/03/2024 07:58

Mountainclimber50 · 11/03/2024 07:55

Sell the house. Pay off the debt. Buy a one bedroom flat. Ignore your son.

I think this sounds like great advice
you won’t have the worry of paying off a debt and you will have peace and there’s a lot to be said for that

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/03/2024 08:53

I'm speechless with outrage on your behalf! How could anyone be so evil as to do what he's doing? No matter what happens do not allow him to carry through with his plan. You'll be given lots of advice on the legal/social services resources available to protect yourself and your precious home - grab ALL of it with both hands.

What does your youngest child have to say about this?

Helplessandheartbroke · 11/03/2024 09:54

Op please don't allow your abusive son to do this to you. Why on earth does he think he has the right? What has your other child said?

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/03/2024 10:15

@HelenaWaiting I suggest you ask MNHQ to move this to Relationships where it will get a lot more views.

HelenaWaiting · 11/03/2024 10:29

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/03/2024 08:53

I'm speechless with outrage on your behalf! How could anyone be so evil as to do what he's doing? No matter what happens do not allow him to carry through with his plan. You'll be given lots of advice on the legal/social services resources available to protect yourself and your precious home - grab ALL of it with both hands.

What does your youngest child have to say about this?

My youngest doesn't know. He lives abroad. They're both well into their twenties.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 11/03/2024 10:35

Then I suggest you let him know ASAP that his charming brother wants to make you homeless and then steal his potential inheritance...

HarrietWorries · 11/03/2024 19:27

Mountainclimber50 · 11/03/2024 07:55

Sell the house. Pay off the debt. Buy a one bedroom flat. Ignore your son.

This, plus see a solicitor pronto. You poor thing, how awful to be pushed out of your own home.

HelenaWaiting · 11/03/2024 19:48

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/03/2024 10:15

@HelenaWaiting I suggest you ask MNHQ to move this to Relationships where it will get a lot more views.

Sorry, I don't know how to do that.

OP posts:
HelenaWaiting · 11/03/2024 19:50

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/03/2024 10:35

Then I suggest you let him know ASAP that his charming brother wants to make you homeless and then steal his potential inheritance...

I've written my eldest out of my will. It feels like the only power I have left.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 11/03/2024 21:31

HelenaWaiting · 11/03/2024 19:48

Sorry, I don't know how to do that.

Press the "report" button on your own post and then ask for the thread to be moved in the remark box.

TheFancyPoet · 11/03/2024 21:50

Take any single man from down the road, marry him and leave everything to him! Disinherit your horrible son.

erinaceus · 11/03/2024 21:57

I think you need to get your environment safe by getting your son out of the property. You mentioned screaming and breaking your possessions. No-one should have to live in such a situation. I would contact an agency who could help you take steps to remove him from the property such as Women’s Aid or an elder abuse charity as suggested above.

For no do not worry about the debt. Get yourself safe first. Has he attacked you physically? I hope you’re alright.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread