Friendships

[BlueMumma2018]

Does anyone feel like they just can’t be arsed with people?

i have a lot of friends, some very close and some not so much. But I find keeping up with friendships a bit draining. It’s true that you can count your true friends on one hand. But I don’t see them often. I have a few clusters of friends that I meet up with regularly but when I come home I feel odd like I feel unsettled. I find most people aren’t genuine.

i don’t know whether I’m just maturing or I have an issue with socialising. I am on the waiting list for an asd assessment! The thing is I LOVE socialising but I don’t love most people 😂

im in my thirties, married and have children and a very happy family life..

Yes totally agree about the majority of people not being genuine! I find most people are selfish, some are better at hiding this than others. I’m 45 and have been feeling this way increasingly for the last 3 years or so. I’ve been let down by a close friend and sister in the last few years and this maybe impacts my feelings somewhat

Op I feel the same. I havent energy for it. One rushed past down aldi aisles last week def saw me too. Was think like u can I be assed with all this. Im 50s. I dont know I think my point is nobody is sincere now. Its disappointing.

Why would you viewing spending time with people you don’t appear to like very much evidence of ‘maturing’? Only see people whose company you enjoy, and, if you’re introverted, you will probably need alone time afterwards to rebalance in any case.

@hoping2016 @Mary46 yes!! I find a lot of people like the idea of being your friend for when it randomly suits them. I also find a lot of people are competitive and get jelous over the most random things.

@LadyNijo the reason I feel I may be maturing is that I would usually ignore the above for just the sake of having friends. I can’t be bothered to keep up with people who enjoy bitching over others and are fair weather friends.

in general I struggle to connect with anyone these days other than my family

I think when you are younger friendships mean everything, and as you get older the true extent of the human character becomes more apparent. Yes people let you down, people leave you and friends fail to back your corner when it is really needed. All these things are the lessons life teaches you. I prefer social interactions with casual acquaintances to deep meaningful friendships now that I am a more mature adult. I simply don't have the energy for anything else.

That just sounds as if you need to make better friends, people you value and enjoy being around, not to be so desperate for friendship that you befriend total wankers. You can’t judge other people in general, or friendships in general, by the standards of these poorly-chosen acquaintances. I’m incredibly selective about who my friends are, and they’re wonderful.

@LadyNijo how do you make better friends though? I make new friendships with people because they seem great, everyone does at first and then you find they aren’t. Am I supposed to just keep making news friends until I find decent ones? It takes alot of effort. Congrats on your great friends

I’m way more selective than that, as in, I’ll only make friendship overtures to someone when I’ve known them for a bit, or, if it’s a matter of exchanging numbers at a first meeting because we’re unlikely to meet again unless we do, I will still test drive things a bit, and might not take things forward.

I’ve moved around a lot, and I’ve had to be pro-active in friendships.

I don’t always get it right, either, obviously! One newish friendship of a couple of years seems to have been purely situational on the other person’s part, and I’ve felt hurt, yes, because I placed a higher value on it than he did, but another one that dates since last summer is very enjoyable, and has put me in touch with her very interesting friends, too.

@BlueMumma2018

Yes totally agree about jealousy & competitiveness as well. When i was growing up if a friend had a win it was a win for me too, NOT something for me to be jealous about. Life seems to have changed and people use you when the need you, the long term MUTUSAL support seems to have subsided! I'm a really good friend, will always make contact and support when someone is going through a bad time etc, however the opposite is not always the case though. However i do take note of those that do support me and treat them like gold!! Its a rare thing these days from my experience. I feel old fashioned morals are declining and i'm very much in the 'old fashioned' category myself.

I have around 2 good friends but more choosy now. Yes thats a good point too being a friend and to suit them or what can you do for them!! So all one sided. Meeting one this week know her through kids sports.