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Relationships

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he gets turned off when I initiate sex

33 replies

hmmextrana · 10/03/2024 22:32

I've been with my partner 4 years and we have a beautiful baby together. It's always him initiating sex, rarely me, our sex life is okay. We have sex averaging twice a week? Although he tries every day, and he would do it everyday multiple times a day if I went with it. I have noticed anytime I initiate sex he doesn't seem interested but I never really thought much of it, although very strange since he wants it all of the time... yesterday and today I've been FEELING it, definitely in the mood I don't know what's going on... I'm ovulating so maybe that's why? Last night I tried and he said no he wants to go to sleep, which is fine. This morning I tried again and no , I tried a few times throughout the day and again no... then tonight I was trying to be all sexy..🤣 and he said "to be honest you doing all this and initiating the sex is such a turn off for me" I don't know what to think of this. He also said "I just wish it would happen naturally instead of either of us initiating it" Uhm? He literally initiates it all of the time although it does "naturally" happen sometimes.. would you take offence? Has this ever been said to you? Weird

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 12/03/2024 14:01

Is he the only one who makes decisions once you're having sex as well?

pickledandpuzzled · 12/03/2024 14:05

I’d laugh at that I’m afraid. And point out it’s a real turn off to be badgered for sex whoever does the badgering.

mathanxiety · 12/03/2024 16:06

hmmextrana · 10/03/2024 22:32

I've been with my partner 4 years and we have a beautiful baby together. It's always him initiating sex, rarely me, our sex life is okay. We have sex averaging twice a week? Although he tries every day, and he would do it everyday multiple times a day if I went with it. I have noticed anytime I initiate sex he doesn't seem interested but I never really thought much of it, although very strange since he wants it all of the time... yesterday and today I've been FEELING it, definitely in the mood I don't know what's going on... I'm ovulating so maybe that's why? Last night I tried and he said no he wants to go to sleep, which is fine. This morning I tried again and no , I tried a few times throughout the day and again no... then tonight I was trying to be all sexy..🤣 and he said "to be honest you doing all this and initiating the sex is such a turn off for me" I don't know what to think of this. He also said "I just wish it would happen naturally instead of either of us initiating it" Uhm? He literally initiates it all of the time although it does "naturally" happen sometimes.. would you take offence? Has this ever been said to you? Weird

Your husband doesn't see you as a real human being at all. You're a blank slate who is available for him for sex. You don't have a separate reality or sexual agency as far as he's concerned.

To be turned down continuously will ultimately be soul destroying for you.

There is a huge imbalance of power in the relationship in this vital area.

I'd be considering my alternative options if I were you.

mathanxiety · 12/03/2024 16:09

ToBeOrNotToBee · 11/03/2024 09:35

My ex was like this.

All part of his scheme to degrade and control me.

Yes, "degrading" is absolutely correct here.

StarlightLady · 12/03/2024 16:25

Just shows how things (and men!) can be so different.

Years back l knew someone l really wanted, so, before his first time with me, l asked him in no uncertain terms. He said the fact l asked him made his life long fantasy come true.

Anotherparkingthread · 12/03/2024 18:35

I can be a bit like this it's not that I'm controlling I just like the chase😳

StarlightLady · 12/03/2024 20:20

Thrill of the chase with someone you have been with 4 years❓❓❓❓❓

Anotherparkingthread · 12/03/2024 22:14

StarlightLady · 12/03/2024 20:20

Thrill of the chase with someone you have been with 4 years❓❓❓❓❓

Yes, been together 5 years, it's still very exciting.

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