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Relationships

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Original poster

Dating and exclusivity

23 replies

Holibobby · 10/03/2024 21:14

I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months now, and we’ve just had a weekend away to Paris together. Had such a lovely time. When we were there he referred to me as his partner one day in conversation and the next day he referred to me as his girlfriend but I didn’t say anything at all just went along with it. When he said partner I thought oh he’s just being friendly but then the next day he said girlfriend in a completely different context.

however, on the way home from he got a notification to say someone had liked him on the dating app, which has really confused me. I know when I had the app it ran in background and I would get like notifications when I had not been on it but just thrown me a little.

We've not had any exclusivity chat but slightly confused.

OP posts:

fuckingbastard · 10/03/2024 21:29

Well, it's about time ?

SamW98 · 10/03/2024 21:47

Ask him? It’s not complicated

Original poster

Holibobby · 10/03/2024 22:33

Just seems that if I go off the timescale - 2 months isn’t that long, but if I go off going abroad together and other dates - seems like quite a lot has happened

OP posts:

fuckingbastard · 10/03/2024 23:11

I believe you. He needs to be fair to you.

samestyle · 11/03/2024 08:35

Two months is plenty of time for him to know what he wants with you by avoiding the subject he's seeing how long he can get away with it. Even without the chat he was calling you his girlfriend and trips away, led you to believe it was more, if he really did think of you as his girlfriend, he wouldn't want to keep looking.
Always bring the subject up, once you start thinking of them as someone you want to continue seeing, don't be shy, ask to be exclusive, it's your time and emotions you're giving so don't waste it on a player, they will absolutely take advantage of you.

SamW98 · 11/03/2024 08:38

It amazes me that so many are comfortable getting naked with a man but can’t have an open and honest conversation with them.
2 months is plenty long enough to have the chat if it’s what you want.

If you’re sleeping with him and want to be exclusive tell him - you have a say in it too. It’s not only about what he wants.

Original poster

Holibobby · 11/03/2024 08:52

he Invited me to his birthday meal with his family last week too but I couldn’t with work, so thinking I’m well within my rights to ask him what this is. Getting to the stage now where I’m fed up of guessing

OP posts:

Poppyzo · 11/03/2024 09:04

Ask him I wasn’t brave enough to do this with someone recently. I did post it on here but was advised to go with the flow. Tbh I wasn’t sure if I wanted the boyfriend/girlfriend status. If you have been away together that’s a step. Just ask. Also he could pause the dating app…

Original poster

Holibobby · 11/03/2024 09:14

@Poppyzo what happened in your situation?

OP posts:

SallyWD · 11/03/2024 09:26

I don't know if I'm old fashioned but if I was having sex with someone I'd absolutely want to be exclusive. I don't know if you are having sex but I'm assuming so. It's partly because I'd want to protect my sexual health but mainly because I just really dislike the idea of sleeping with someone who's sleeping with other people. That does not sit comfortably with me at all.
As his girlfriend/partner whatever I think you're entirely reasonable to expect exclusivity. Ask him. His reaction will tell you a lot.

Poppyzo · 11/03/2024 09:31

@Holibobby I didn’t ask I just went with it. Then he started to be a bit flaky and I ended it but I realised afterwards he had met someone else on the apps. But it had been over 3 months of dating. So my advice would be to ask!

Original poster

Holibobby · 11/03/2024 09:37

@Poppyzo Ah sorry that’s rubbish to hear!

I think asking face to face is probably the best. I’m so tempted to message today and say you’ve called me your gf etc but what’s going on re dating apps

OP posts:

Poppyzo · 11/03/2024 09:41

@Holibobby i would say face to face is best you can see his reaction that way…

PinkMendinilla · 11/03/2024 11:45

Have the conversation. Face to face.

Once a man I really liked saw a notification from an app come up on my phone. I genuinely didn't realise I hadn't disabled it properly. I don't think he believed me which was a shame (wasn't a massive problem in the end as we lived too far apart anyway) but it could be something stupid like this.

Anyway, now I always say to establish exclusivity before sex if you do mind sharing.

Original poster

Holibobby · 11/03/2024 21:16

@PinkMendinilla Yeah maybe, although he can be quite shifty around his phone. At times he will be showing me lots on his phone like videos etc but most of time he has it face down

OP posts:

kkloo · 12/03/2024 03:54

Ask him sooner rather than later.

You're sleeping with him, you've been away with him, he was going to introduce you to his family, if he's called you his girlfriend and didn't mean it then he's a headfuck and it's better you know now.

kkloo · 12/03/2024 03:57

SallyWD · 11/03/2024 09:26

I'm the same and wouldn't consider it to be old fashioned.

Ponderingwindow · 12/03/2024 03:57

If you went abroad together, I’m guessing you have been physically intimate. I don’t really understand progressing to that stage without becoming exclusive. Both from an emotional perspective and from a disease perspective.

EmilyGilmoreenergy · 12/03/2024 04:43

Holibobby · 11/03/2024 08:52

You don't need permission or to be 'within your rights' to ask someone what he believes your relationship status to be and what he is doing re dating profile.
As PP has said you are equally entitled to make decisions and express preferences or set boundaries and it's important you do.
Start as you should go on and have control over your own life.

sawnotseen · 12/03/2024 06:08

Please just ask him. I don't see anyone after a few dates if they don't agree to be exclusive. I couldn't continue dating someone, knowing that they were still dating others, once I've become 'attached'.

BloodyAdultDC · 12/03/2024 06:59

Of course you're using barrier contraception op, right?

I'd be mightily pissed off if he was still 'available' after lots of dates and a weekend away. Otherwise he's just a player.

Talk to him. It's either a deal breaker for you or it isn't.

FinallyHere · 12/03/2024 11:56

You don't need any justification other than that you want to know. It really is that simple.

What is the worst that could ever happen?

you’ve called me your gf etc but what’s going on re dating apps

Again, it seems as if you have some idea that it's not up to you to decide these things. You are perfectly entitled to ask. He doesn't have to answer but then you can set consequences.

I would be risking my sexual health without knowing that we are on the same page.

Opentooffers · 12/03/2024 12:15

It's not a great sign tbf if he is still keeping his phone face down. Take charge of your sexual health, you have a right to know if you are being exposed to possible sti's. You could ask " are you still dating via the app?" Or you could make a statement like " I think it's about time we decide if we are exclusive or not, what are your thoughts on it?" That should tell you all you need to know.

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