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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did you spend Mother’s Day with your dp?

21 replies

Laylanel91 · 10/03/2024 19:04

Did your partner spend Mother’s Day with you? Did they get you a gift, make your day any easier or do anything special for you?

we havent been on great terms this week and dp has ignored me all week. He hasn’t spoken or spent any time with me. Last night he got the dc to bring me my Mother’s Day gifts which were a card and a small cake. He had the kids write in the card, he wrote a small paragraph in the card stating ‘you are well behaved, reserved and caring. I appreciate you, you are a one man army’.

now I don’t want to seem ungreatful, but it didn’t seem relevant to Mother’s Day for me. Being ‘well behaved and reserved’ is nothing to do with being a mother, and is more of the traits of how he likes me to be as a partner. The ‘one man army’ seemed like more of a backhanded compliment, considering I have no choice as I do everything with the dc by myself.

after the dc gave me the card and gifts, I said thank you to dp but he ignored me. Today he went to work like normal, he has been gone since 8am and it’s now 7pm. He has not verbally said happy Mother’s Day to me and hasn’t text me anything, not even a happy Mother’s Day text. I don’t want to seem ungreatful, as if I mentioned this to him he would reference the fact he got me the card and gifts and that he wrote it in the card.

any Mother’s Day will be a great day for me, as I’m very blessed to have children and be able to celebrate it, but in all honesty it’s been the most un-relaxing Mother’s Day ever. I have not stopped since morning, dealing with dc, cleaning and tidying the home, had to take dc to a friends bday party which required us to take a bus and then walk in the freezing rain, we were all soaked. We then had to get a cab to the shops as I needed to buy something, then another bus back home and continue tidying and doing mum duties.

am I being unreasonable to feel a bit lonely? Other mums I know were brought breakfast in bed this morning, spending the day with their kids and dp as a family, ordering takeaway for dinner etc.

OP posts:
Sash887 · 10/03/2024 19:11

Sorry to hear you've felt lonely, I dont know your DP so will not comment on his behaviour but it sounds like you just want recognition for everything you do for your family and thats what Mothers day is about. Sending you a virtual hug. If it helps my DP has been in Amsterdam since Thursday and isn't home till tomorrow. I've spent the last 4 days looking after my poorly toddler but all good we've camped on the couch and ate our weight in cereal. X

Sillysausagedog · 10/03/2024 19:14

He sounds like a dick.

Ignoring you for a week and commenting that you are 'behaved' ...Are you a child who needs to be well behaved, the one man army also sounded like a back handed comment.

I'd have rather he didn't write anything at all.

I'd look at making sure next year you aren't spending it with him.

CloudPop · 10/03/2024 19:17

"well behaved"? Seriously ?

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 10/03/2024 19:20

Well, he can take his 'well-behaved' and just keep fucking walking, can't he? Jesus wept..!

RosePombear · 10/03/2024 19:21

I really wouldn’t be happy with being called well-behaved!. I can’t imagine describing any adult as well behaved.

BringMeSunshineAllDayLong · 10/03/2024 19:23

I would shove the card up his well-behaved reserved arsehole and leave the bastard. Fuck right off.

Stop being well behaved or reserved, you are not a child.

God I hate your husband after reading that. How can you bear him.

Dotty2dot · 10/03/2024 19:25

Time to be badly behaved and tell him to fuck off.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 10/03/2024 19:30

Time to stop the good behaviour and LTB sounds a dick. Sorry, was stuck with similar until finally realised I was miserable and he was a toxic prick. I'm with an amazing guy who can't do enough for me and had 16 great years.

Gardencentrevoucher · 10/03/2024 19:30

Is he a native English speaker? This sounds like its been 'lost in translation' at best, otherwise downright bizarre.

Fwiw i got a card from my DC this morning then went about my day as normal. Had the kids all day then went to see my mother at 5pm then back home and cooked everyone dinner. My DH hasn't done anything to make my day relaxing or different from any other.

JustKeepGoingX · 10/03/2024 19:34

No no and no. Just got handmade cards off the kids from school. DP has been ignoring me since Wednesday.. he went to work this morning came home at 12 and then me and the kids went to my mum's, just got home and he's not even said hello. Men are just horrible unfortunately, not all, but most I reckon!

ElaineMBenes · 10/03/2024 19:44

'Well behaved'?! What on earth?

I haven't spent today with DH as unfortunately he's working away but I've been out for a meal with close friends (he paid for mine and DSs meal in advance) and he arranged a surprise gift.

If he was at home I'd expect to spend the day together

Laylanel91 · 10/03/2024 22:23

Yes the ‘well behaved’ also bothered me..

he returned home at 9pm. Has not spoken to me and has gone to bed

OP posts:
OneMoreTime23 · 10/03/2024 22:24

My husband flew to Spain yesterday for a week’s cycling. Been a normal day here although I did manage to drag my 13 year old DD out for a dog walk.

Popcorn23 · 10/03/2024 22:29

The 'well behaved' comment was just yuck. I couldn't stand it if someone had said that to me. You probably need to be less 'well behaved' and tell him how you feel. What is the actual point of him if you are doing everything for your dc and he just makes you feel bad. He is a waste of space.

Newphonnearlythere · 10/03/2024 23:39

I'm so sorry to mention this on a day which should be so special for you as a mother but why is he ignoring you? Have you had an argument/ disagreement earlier in the week and he's sulking or is this his normal behaviour? How is your communication and connection in your relationship?

The words used in his card sadly do not reflect any close relationship and seem forced possibly guilt ridden as though he has to acknowledge what an awesome mum you are to his children as it's Mother's Day.

Why would he be at work from early morning until 9pm? Has he accounted for his whereabouts today? Have you considered he may be having an affair? His behaviour seems very callous and indifferent.

I couldn't imagine a relationship like this. I was working a 24hr shift from Saturday arriving home at 6pm tonight. During this time my DH and I texted spoke several times. He ordered a takeaway which I collected and arrived home to gifts and wine. We've been married 29 years. Rarely go 4hrs without communicating with each other. Me working however was an unusual Mother's day, normally we'd have had our adult children round or gone out.

I tell you all this because I feel very sad for you OP. He seems an arse and you deserve so much more. Please look at your relationship and ask yourself if his behaviour is normal/acceptable and if not what are you going to do? Over the next 20 years or so, it may only get worse. Do you want to live a half life with someone so disrespectful to their partner?

MonsteraMama · 10/03/2024 23:44

Well behaved?!?

That's how I describe my dog.

And giving you the silent treatment? That's also a no.

This, whatever this is, goes far deeper than mothers' day. He sounds awful. This doesn't sound like any kind of relationship at all.

BiddyPop · 11/03/2024 07:57

No, I was apart from DH and dd as I moved overseas for a work posting 5 months ago, and my plan to be home this weekend was scuppered when a meeting was pushed from Thursday to Friday (for good reasons) so I had to go home Wednesday and Thursday for interviews instead but back here for Friday.

Late teen dd hates me anyway so I am physically safer here. And DH and I have done seperation for work before quite successfully for 4 years. So this stint will be fine.

MrsJellybee · 11/03/2024 08:29

Well-behaved? Tell him you’re not a dog! Some men are unbelievable.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 11/03/2024 10:20

JustKeepGoingX · 10/03/2024 19:34

No no and no. Just got handmade cards off the kids from school. DP has been ignoring me since Wednesday.. he went to work this morning came home at 12 and then me and the kids went to my mum's, just got home and he's not even said hello. Men are just horrible unfortunately, not all, but most I reckon!

Men are not all horrible FFS!!! Take some responsibility and stop signalling that you accept this shit treatment.
Extract yourself from this wanker and find a good one.

JustKeepGoingX · 11/03/2024 19:23

PTSDBarbiegirl · 11/03/2024 10:20

Men are not all horrible FFS!!! Take some responsibility and stop signalling that you accept this shit treatment.
Extract yourself from this wanker and find a good one.

Ok ok I worded that wrong, I know full well not ALL men are horrible, as I stated.. I don't believe that men are just devils as a whole, but some behave that way.. would gladly extract but as we know, it's not black and white and as simple as that from those who know from experience.

StrawberryWater · 11/03/2024 19:32

When he said you were 'well behaved' did he offer you a biscuit and pat your head?

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