Is it in my head or is mil a snob?

[Mum8929]

When I first met my in laws I really liked my MIL, over time she’s made a few remarks that just rub me the wrong way. I feel like she’s a bit of a snob and find it really hard when in laws come over. Some of the comments she’s made is about “scabby people” essentially referring to habits of lower class people in her area. She’s also obsessed with people’s weight and constantly talks behind family members that gained weight and saying they don’t have any self control like her (she’s obsessed with portion control and calorie counting). She’s also always going on about how education is important and of course I do agree, however she will often use it in a context of these people have a PHD so they are “smart” or there’s at least 5 masters between us in the room, or trades people are not clever etc. She also doesn’t drink much which is fine but then comments about people on her holidays who were having a laugh and a bit tipsy and said they were horrible embarrassing people. I know no one is perfect and we can’t be PC all the time but I feel like every time I see her there’s a least a handful of those types of remarks. Am I being too harsh or does she sound like a snob?

God I'm with you 100% on this. She sounds like she's wound very tight and has loads of hang-ups and insecurities. I'd really like to say something very compassionate and understanding at this point, because plainly she has issues and that's sad for her. Unfortunately though, I just think she sounds like a massive bore and I couldn't be arsed with it. So I hear you, I wouldn't want to be around that either.

More of an intolerant bigot, maybe.

1st of all we could not get by without tradespeople. I like them better than some of the folks who feel they are better than they are.

She sounds like a mumsnetter anyway.

I always pull people up when they come out with this tripe, whoever they are.

You would be very, very wise to keep as much distance from this woman as possible. Never share private information with her, and never, ever trust her to keep a confidence. She will not. I caution highly against texting her too often, having her on your social media, or being a part of family Whatsapp groups.

If she grates now, it's only going to get much, much worse, so that's why keeping her at arms length and not seeing her often is critical.

I'd probably have told her to 'wind your neck in Janice and have some fin for fucks sake' by now tbh.

Ask her if she’d know how to build a wall, wire a house or fashion a timber roof.

practical skills don’t equal stupid. A Masters education will mean fuck all in a zombie apocalypse

Sounds just like my MIL , she's never used the term Scabby people 🫠 but I don't get the obsession about other people's weight, she's actually just found out she is pre diabetic, and her blood sugar is too high, could be karma. She calls her husband and sons and DIL fat , his knows what she says behind my back. I just try and keep my distance and spend as little time as possible with her.

Thanks everyone who responded I feel less bad judging her now. I forgot a massive one and the one that sent me officially into I hate her mode. She absolutely HATES all animals including cats and dogs. She knows I love animals and will constantly say that they are awful things. She once mentioned they had seen an abandoned dog on a walk, she was with a group of ppl and she said she couldn’t understand why people would want to help the awful things and they should have abandoned it :(.

She absolutely HATES all animals including cats and dogs.

for me, a large red flag right there.

The other stuff: all of what you describe indicates she is insecure, uneducated/has a narrow world view and lacks empathy and imagination.

I honestly wouldn’t waste another second caring about her “opinions”

These are her opinion. Clearly you can disagree with them.

I see no point personally. She seems petty and ignorant.

OP - she may be all that you say, however she is still your H’s mother. And your (future?) kids grandmother.
You don’t need to like her. But i don’t think it’ll be fair to demand your H doesn’t see
his mom. Snob or not.

As to pulling her up on her remarks - what’s the purpose? She won’t change and you’ll only make it all unpleasant. And then what?

I’m not sure I’d call her a snob. She just sounds kind of intolerant and addicted to sharing her intolerance of excess weight, trades, animals, drinkers, ‘scabby people’ (which is an odd expression on itself, as presumably she doesn’t mean strike breakers).

I agree about spending as little time as possible with her. Can’t stop my DD from seeing her but I don’t want her around her too much as I don’t think she has nice values.

Maybe it’s fair to say I don’t like her values, and we disagree on them. Don’t want my DD growing up with those views.

Draining!

That’s true I can’t stop her from seeing our Dd however I would like to limit exposure to her as I don’t want her to pickup those values.

Your DD will be rolling her eyes just like you do, don’t worry.

Glad you think so too! I find spending any amount of time around her exhausting. Especially because she knows I disagree on all those topics yet she constantly brings them up when she visits. Almost as though to trigger me or something? I am not a fool and won’t start and argument for the sake of it so I just ignore her comments and roll my eyes.

I had an over bearing thankfully now ex MIL. Through no encouragement from me, my daughter doesn’t really like her all that much. Kids aren’t daft. Great you can ignore it, best thing. Just offload on here or to friends.

Sounds like she is up her own arse

In my experience people like this have buried their own insecurities under a false sense of superiority.

Every time someone lets this shit slide or agrees with her she is reassured she's better than everyone. I wouldn't take it on but it's exhausting to be around so I would limit my time with her as much as possible and would model better attitudes to my children to make sure they don't absorb her ideas.

There's nothing more exhausting than being around people who are always negative and critical of others. And no empathy to distressed animals is a huge indicator of a generally not nice person.
I think you just have to actively do everything you can to reduce time spent with her.
Why do these people think people actually want to be in their company.

Haha this made me chuckle. She did say to me once she is sad her daughter and my husband aren’t closer to her. Yet she’s so critical of how they choose to live. She also always commented on her daughters weight which I feel so sorry for my SIL.