Intense PILs with newborn

[ThatGutsyHedgehog]

I had my first baby 8 weeks ago and although it’s been tiring I’m absolutely loving being his mum and don’t feel I want to be away from him- in fact the thought makes me feel anxious. I am EBF and that is working for us well at the moment.
My PIL are generally nice people but do like things done their own way and can be controlling at times, we’ve never had a close relationship but get on well enough.
since the baby has arrived they’ve wanted to see him regularly and they have we’ve never said no apart from once they wanted to come over in an evening during a sleep regression and we were trying to get a better routine in place to support better sleep. They weren’t very happy about it.
so they have seen him an average of once a week sometimes once a fortnight- again this is when they have asked to see him.
a few days ago my MIL said she wanted to have him to babysit for 2/3 hours and I explained kindly (DH there) that I didn’t want to be apart from him and that expressing is hard work for me (tricky to produce much) and I don’t want to introduce formula yet (nothing against formula it’s just breastfeeding works well for me and my baby).
2 days later when DH was alone with her twice within a conversation she tried again to be allowed to babysit and we are a team on this so he again said no.
Im annoyed she went behind my back and tried to get her son to agree to it when I had a really clear conversation with her.I feel it’s damaged my trust in her and makes me feel uncomfortable being around her.
What should I do to try and resolve the situation?
Also my own mum hasn’t babysat - she is retired and has come and watched my baby while I nap in the same room or upstairs for an hour or so to catch up on sleep. MIL hasn’t offered that, she would want us to drive to her.

As a compromise, suggest she comes to you as your own mum is doing so that she can spend time with her grandchild and you get some rest. I suspect she’s very excited.

Personally l cannot understand these MIL's who are obsessed with taking a newborn away from his mother....surely she knows your son needs you near ALL the time at this stage...you do not have to agree at all, not at 8 weeks or 6 months or a year.
He is your son and unless you ask her she should back off.

Stick to your guns and make it very very clear to DH (who sounds great) that you won't be handing your tiny baby over for hours for a long time yet.

It’s great that you and DH are together on this issue.
I totally understand that you are upset with MiL, I would be too. I wonder if it is necessary for you to say anything. DH told her the answer and hopefully that will be the end of it. If she tries it again though, then I’d be inclined to say something.
In the meantime I’d reduce the number of times you agree to them coming round. Once a fortnight is plenty at this stage.

My ex MIL did this when my DD was 10 weeks old, she was 6 weeks prem too so not even a real 10 weeker. I said no and my ex refused to get involved either way. She kept making snidey comments around me and sometimes to DD 'really I should be taking you out for lovely walks by now' until I snapped and told her that I would let her know when I was ready for her to look after DD on her own. She totally viewed DD like some sort of doll to be shared out rather than a human baby with their own needs. Say no and feel comfortable with that.

Agree with PP - tell her she can come and look after him at yours for a couple of hours while you nap or whatever. Then if he needs feeding, you can be there. Babysitting is, by its nature, supposed to be to help the parents, particularly at this age. If she's at your house hanging out, she can have a relationship with the baby and be helpful and not overstep your boundaries, all at the same time.

If she asks again, turn it around on her
"Now Mabel, you've already asked about this, and both DH and I have both said no, separately and together. Baby X is being breastfed and is way too little to be away from us or me in particular for any length of time. It's getting awkward when you keep asking as our answer for the foreseeable will be no. If the situation changes, we will of course let you know. So let's drop the topic for the time being."

If she carries on then you bring out the big guns and say in her company to your DH "I'm really concerned that your Mum's memory is going because we've been very clear on this. Do you think she might be having any difficulties remembering anything else?"

@LookItsMeAgain
Are you trying to suggest that the OP implies the MIL might have dementia? It is a pretty horrible thing to imply someone might have a terminal illness to punish them. Would you use the threat of cancer in the same way? Obviously, the OP needs to be straight and clear in her message but to try and infer that because she has made the offer twice, she must have dementia ( or imply it to worry her is very nasty).
I have seen it on here a couple of times and then the poster tries to pass it off as a joke.
Keep saying no, OP. Your MIL will get the message. She will stop being excited and accept the staus quo.

Tell her you don’t need a babysitter just yet as you don’t want to do anything or be anywhere without your baby, but there will be plenty of times in the future when you will take her up on the offers.

Remind her of when she was a new mum and you’re sure she would have felt the same.