How to get better when you are physically/mentally struggling

[wormshock]

I'm so low, my health is terrible, I've been diagnosed type 2 diabetes and low thyroid on top of years of anxiety. All the efforts I try to treat myself better fail and I get worse. My marriage is dreadful. No sex for 10 years, I'm 45. He is a good person in many ways, but not to me. He talks to me badly and there is no support. So here I am again. No motivation, health getting worse and I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I have to add I have 2 wonderful girls, 9 and 12 who I'm now struggling to hide my unhappiness from. Can b anyone offer advice please?

Sorry to hear this. You have several issues going on at the same time.
Firstly and most importantly is your health. Are you on any special diet or health regime ? If so, I'd get on top of that first. Making sure you eat as healthily as possible, whilst also making space for treats.

Secondly, your DH. Sounds like a long slow decline. Do you want things to be better with him or would divorce be the preferable option ? If you're not ready to give up on the relationship maybe suggest marriage counselling. Also making it very clear he needs to be respectful to you at all times.

Lastly, making time for things you enjoy, having something to look forward to is important. Doesn't matter what it is, just go with it.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Have you spoken to your GP about your low mood as well as diabetes and thyroid? It might benefit you to share with them how you’re feeling. Perhaps they could refer you for talking therapy etc

Secondly, do you have anything that's just for you? I have a long daily dog walks and I listen to audiobooks or podcasts. I try to cycle sometimes too of my mood allows (somedays I just can't be bothered doing anything, that's ok too!). Nothing massive, just something that doesn't involve catering to others for a bit.

I've found routine really helps my mood. The marriage stuff sounds more heavy. You can't pour from an empty cup though so it sounds like you need to take care of yourself first.

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this. I don't have any magic solution, but one thing that always lifts my mood is getting out into the fresh air. I go for a walk and listen to podcast or audio book. If it's interesting to listen to it stops me thinking about other things. And the added benefit is that you're getting some exercise as well. I know it's not easy when you have children to think about but if you are able to make some time for yourself it might be worth a try.

Thank you for your replies. My health is bad and not in control. I'm cross with myself after several wake up calls I'm still not taking care of myself properly.
I know that I need to split with my husband, but it seems like such a monumental task.

Try to picture yourself where you want to be in a few years time - healthy, happy etc etc and work backwards. Small changes now will get you in to good habits. Easier said than done I know, especially when your mood is low. Do it for yourself first and your kids. They will thank you for it in the long run. I imagine there is nothing better than memories of a happy mum who was in control. That's what I keep in mind for my kids. One day at a time x

You sat you have low thyroid so possibly get diagnosed hypothyroid at some point. Certainly till this is addressed (and the diabetes) you are not going to feel well and yes your mood could become low.
So I would do as suggested and try to improve your physical health. Until you are lifting up a little I would not focus on ending your marriage.

It’s a journey, your journey no one else’s. It’s not overnight. It’s steps and baby steps and steps. Always. Keeping going.

Almost like when making a cake ... Or like the fog before dawn as the mists lift in the warm morning rays … take your coffee, relax, take in the day and … do whatever you need to do.

Get some anti depressants so your kids can see a happy mum and leave dh

A poor diet can lead to or contribute to poor mental health and no sex drive. Is this something that relates to you? If yes I'd work on sorting that first.

No sex from age 35-45 feels pretty dire to me - what's behind it?

I've been taking antidepressants for a few years which I feel generally help. My sex drive isn't the problem in regard to the lack of sex. It's a combination of my low self esteem, my negative feelings towards him because how he treats me and my DH having erectile dysfunction which he refuses to treat.