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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A money and trip one

8 replies

Jigsawa · 09/03/2024 11:31

My DSis is about to go into hospital for some surgery. She's a single mum and asked me to take my DNephew (12) to his football competition the weekend after her surgery. She gave me a lot of notice and I agreed.

The competition is in another city and we have to get three trains and stay over for two nights (the tournment is over two days). I also need a ticket to get in. I went to this tournament for the last few years when his mum was there too as support and we split all the costs so I assumed we'd do the same this time.

The event is about 6 weeks out now so I'm booking tickets, hotel is already booked (to be paid on arrival) and my Dsis has just said "I feel bad that I can't pay anything towards this. You're being such a great auntie, thank you" as she left my house.

She's been off work sick (hence the surgery) so I know things are tight but it's going to cost me ~£350. That's not including spends while there. I was not expecting this. I know its my fault I didn't check we were splitting costs but we've split them the last two years we've gone? She's also said multiple times that she was going to pay for my ticket to get in (as late as last weekend!)

I'm thinking of messaging her to say "what did you mean when you left? I thought you were paying half?" but I don't know whether I'm being UR given that she won't be there and that I didn't check in advance we were splitting costs. I also feel awkward and don't want my nephew to suffer - he's so looking forward to it.

How would you handle this?

OP posts:
TinyYellow · 09/03/2024 11:33

You have to ask her and if you can’t afford this on your own, she needs to help.

rubyslippers · 09/03/2024 11:36

I think you have to ask her for something or can she ask the team her son plays for if there’s any chance of a financial contribution?
it’s not a quick jaunt down the road - it’s a big and expensive undertaking

SignoraVolpe · 09/03/2024 11:37

If she can't or won't pay then it has to be birthday and Christmas gifts for this year.
She's cheeky though, if anything she should be paying more because you're doing such a huge favour.

Wishimaywishimight · 09/03/2024 12:52

That is really cheeky!! I would say "surely you are not expecting me to pay for the entire trip?"

pikkumyy77 · 09/03/2024 12:56

She should be paying everything since you are only doing it for her and taking her place. She would be paying for herself and son ordinarily. If you go in her place she saves the trip but not the costs.

AuContraire · 09/03/2024 12:57

I'm thinking of messaging her to say "what did you mean when you left? I thought you were paying half?" but I don't know whether I'm being UR

Yes, say this, but add "I don’t have the space in my own budget to pay for the whole thing myself, it's too much."

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 09/03/2024 13:01

That’s ridiculous assumption that you would pay it all.

tribpot · 09/03/2024 13:20

What costs did you split when you went before? I'm guessing you each bought your own train tickets, own food, own entry ticket and then the one cost you split was the cost of the hotel room? So basically she paid for her attendance (and her son's) and you paid for yours?

Is she going to pay for her son's train fare, food, entry ticket? Meaning the only difference (in her mind) between what you'd normally pay and this year is covering the full cost of the hotel room? Or is she expecting you to cover the costs for her son?

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