Said goodbye to my only friend.

[FreckleHeckle]

Have been struggling with this for years.

I met a friend about 7 years ago, I recently split from my husband and was struggling financially. After about 6 months this friend was getting kicked out and needed a place to stay so she took my spare room.

It all went downhill fast. Turns out she had BPD and a history or trauma and SH. She didn't clean up after herself and I found it very draining. She didn't have anyone else in the world. No friends or family. I have family but am autistic so had no friends.

Basically I asked her to start looking for somewhere else to stay, she left the house in tears and hours later let me know she was in hospital with a suicide attempt.

She was sectioned for many weeks. When she came out I told her I couldn't have all this around my kids and that she couldn't come back. So she went to the council and got put in homeless accommodation.

Throughout all this time she's been overly dependant on me and I've found it incredibly stressful.

She also is, I believe, a hypochondriac. Every few months she has a different illness which all her focus went on and then a few weeks later she has something else and the previous ailment is forgotten.

Her personal hygiene is poor and she has animals she doesn't look after in terms of training and cleaning up after, she loves them very much. Her flat is like a hoarders flat and smells of animal urine.

I just couldn't do it anymore.

So I sent her a message saying so and blocked her.

I feel awful and guilty but I got absolutely nothing from this friendship except stress.

She does has a GF now so she's not alone. That sort of gave me the boost to cut contact as I know she is not alone.

But the guilt is still heavy and I'm back to not having a single friend (selfish thinking I know)

Part of me wishes I could check she's OK but I can't.

You did the right thing. You can't fix her and having her around would be damaging for your mental health and your kids in the longer term. Sounds like she has moved on. Please allow yourself to do the same.

This only happened a day ago so I don't think she's moved on.
I'm worried about her mental health but I know it's really not my business or responsibility.

She's got her own place though and her partner for support? She lived and survived in her own chaotic way before she befriended you.

She will carry on in the same fashion and find others to listen to her, until they are drained, then move onto the next person, and so it will go on.

You've definitely gone above and beyond with your support and have no reason to feel guilty.

What positive stuff did she bring to your life? Anything? Are you feeling sad that someone who emotionally supported you back, and who brought joy to your days is gone? Or are you feeling guilty that you didn't fix her?

It sounds like she was a rescue project you took on, and that you weren't really friends.

You can't fix people. Especially if they don't consider themselves broken.

But the guilt is still heavy and I'm back to not having a single friend (selfish thinking I know)

She wasn't really your friend though. She was a needy user who sensed that you could be easily manipulated. You learned the hard way, as no doubt did the previous person who kicked her out.

She clearly has some serious problems so perhaps not all of that is her fault, but if she had the capacity to be a truly good friend she would recognise that her issues are hers alone and they cannot be allowed to drain the life out of the other people around her.

I had a very longterm friend move in with me after my divorce. I was aware she had what I believe are undiagnosed mental health issues. She had always been a rather difficult person but was also very funny and could be extremely kind and I liked her a lot warts and all. It should have been a huge red flag to me that I knew that she had fallen out with most of her employers over the years and often could not maintain relationships of any kind. I also knew she was often extremely petty, vengeful and also was very mean with money and always tried to avoid paying if we went anywhere.
I carried on in full knowledge of all of this so clearly I was stupid.
It turned into a nightmare pretty much straightaway. She was nocturnal and locked herself in her bedroom all days most days but would be having a bath or cooking at 2/3 am.
She left rotten food in my fridge. She wouldn’t contribute to household essentials or utility bills. She threatened to have a go at the neighbour just because they had a windchime. She refused to open any windows in her room.
She came into my bedroom at night when I was asleep and turned the lights on because she wanted to check something.
Then she started refusing to speak to me and I had to email her in the next bedroom if I needed to communicate at all.
After 3 months of this I cracked and said she had to leave but I gave her 3 months notice to find somewhere else.
She stopped paying rent and refused to tell me if/when she would leave. I had to threaten to contact her sister to mediate.
Eventually she moved out just before the 3 month deadline but left an old tv playing in her room with the door locked to make me think she was still there and she had wrecked the room and left me tons of her rubbish to take to the dump.
You have done completely the right thing so don’t feel guilty at all.
I hope her poor animals lives improve.

Blackcats7 Oh my word, that sounds like the plot of a book or a film! What an absolutely appalling person she was!

These people probably go through life wreaking the same havoc upon everyone that has the misfortune to befriend them.

unfortunately i have a step daughter with bpd and this sounds very familiar, you have my sympathies but honestly there is nothing you could have done any differently all outcomes would be the same