Ex threatening court over access to our 1yo

[Unexpectedsolomum]

stbx left before our daughter was born. He works a rolling shift pattern 2 days, 4 nights, 4 days off.

Since the start I asked for a schedule based around his shifts (ie after work on day 1, before his first night shift, on alternate days off)- he wouldn’t agree. So instead I gave him 4 times a week on different days around his shifts to see DD. He usually comes once or twice a week, often messaging last minute to cancel and either comes into my house or takes her out for a bit, usually no longer than 1.5hr but sometimes for 20mins.

He now says he wants 50/50 shared care or at least overnights, says his solicitor said this is reasonable. Mine says opposite as he’s unreliable and inconsistent.

I’m still bf so don’t see how overnights would be doable yet, especially with someone she only sees for 1.5hr max at a time. I’ve explained this to him but he says it’s my fault as I dictate the days/times for his to see her and he can’t help if he has other plans. I do (if possible - not always) offer an alternate time but I do feel aggrieved that I’m accommodating him working, his social life/relationship and having to compromise on my own life to ensure he has a relationship with DD when he can’t make her a priority and just fits her in.

What is reasonable at this age? I’m going back to work next month and DD will be in nursery 2 days a week. He said I’ll have to change days to work around his shifts or I’ll have pay for nursery but he won’t be taking her if it falls on one of the days he can do.

Most likely just a threat, probably won't take it to court at all. If he's being stingy about paying for nursery, he's not going to want to shell out thousands to take it to court. Try to relax about the threat, the idea of 50/50 is just so that CM doesn't get paid - which is another example of how he is too money grabbing to go near a court.
Meanwhile, log down the pittance he does see her, though has been offered more.

I’d crack on with what you’ve been doing, offer her for contract as you’ve been doing, log every time he fails to turn up.

Then I’d arrange your life as though he wasn’t in it and wasn’t likely to pay. Doesn’t sound like he’s up to much anyway and court sounds like a threat.

Has he got a new girlfriend at all? Why is he pretending to be arsed now?

He’s with who was the OW, so been together over a year now. No idea why the change, he’s said it occasionally but then nothing has changed.

Let him go through the process.

This is most likely to do with CM

Keep to what your doing now, keep breast feeding, keep logging every time he fails to turn up

Interesting edits.

@Hmmmmm5 - calling a child's mother irrelevant and a witch, and saying an absent father who had an ow is stepping up!!! You're either the father the ow or a cunt!
People can press edit to see your post

Interesting edit. Why is the op a witch if the dad has had all facilities and is failing to turn up

Sorry I’m not sure how I am being a witch? I’ve consistently offered regular contact without fail since she was born. He has (every single week) failed to come to see her at least once and never for longer than 90minutes and most of the time for approx 45mins.
I haven’t said he can’t see her, I’m just asking what is appropriate given that he hasn’t spent a substantial amount of time with her. He also wants her 50/50 when 6/10 days are either working night shifts or 6am-6pm - so she’ll be in childcare more, with other people/family (that she doesn’t know) regularly overnight when instead she could be with me? Is it unreasonable to be concerned about this for a 12 month old?

Don’t worry, OP. OW clearly found the thread.

Ow doesn't want him paying cms. Has he a relative he will be assuming is helping out when he works? Or does ow not have dc and wants to play House with yours?

@Unexpectedsolomum - ignore the troll. As PP have said, keep doing what you doing; offer access and keep a log of his coming and going to show the court in case it comes to that. It will show how unreliable he is.

I did wonder this…

Think he will use his mother, she’s very matriarchal and doesn’t like the fact she’s not heavily involved with DD.
OW has 7 yo son, I don’t know her so so not sure what her intentions are but through a friend of a friend my understanding is that her ex has their son at least 50/50 - difference being that he lived with their son from birth until he was 6yo.