Is it cheating if they’ve never met…?

[Sadie407]

I discovered that my husband has been messaging another woman. She lived in a different country so he never met her nor would ever meet her. He was going through a period of really mad mental health and said it was an escape from his then reality. He was caught which to me is the only reason it stopped. They discussed meeting up but I know that this would never have happened because of the logistics/money. He knows her through work and that’s how it started.

I stayed for our children but I am finding life incredibly difficult.

Is it still considered cheating in the same way if it wasn’t physical/in person? I’d be interested in hearing your opinions. Thanks

All2Well - I am really sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing, it must have been a very difficult time for you but I am glad to hear that you have survived without him!

It's hard to have sympathy for someone who, after the fact, claims poor MH issues - were there signs of this to your mind at the time? Rather than seek help, or at least talk to someone close, anyone who would see getting their rocks of with someone else as a method of dealing, seems disingenuous. Its seeking thrills and excitement, which is is not what depressed people do I'd of thought (so I'd have a hard time believing it as an excuse).
How angry I'd be depends on how seedy it got - if pics and videos included, or worse, facetime etc.

I don't sympathize with him at all. This whole situation was his choice. Yes there were signs of bad mental health previous to this and there were times before this happened where he felt that he didn't want to be alive anymore. This was the same as how he was feeling when this started. It went on for 7 weeks, I read a lot of the conversation and she was definitely more for this than he was. She sent videos, he didn't. I am angry and have been since I discovered this had happened. It's just not a situation I thought I'd be in. And one I wouldn't want a female member of my family to be in either but I think it's easy to say that when you're not currently in the situation and it's not your feelings that are affected. I just feel lost at the minute and so broken. I'm angry at myself for staying but at the same time, I just don't want a life without him.

Try and leave a lot easier said than done.
It's very easy for others to advise you but I was in a situation once where my oh took someone else out and I think other outings but I never mentioned these as not sure but oh was in different towns to where they were supposed to be!
and lied about where they were and I will never know if anything else occurred but I stayed with oh even though when I confronted them they insulted me and put everything on me.
Looking back I was very caring and did my best to be a good partner so know I didn't deserve this.
Few years ago now and we stayed together and everything ok on surface and we look happy to the outside and my oh thinks I am happy but honestly a day doesn't go by when I don't remember hurtful comments made to me by them when I asked them where they had been. I was so shocked and devastated i should have left when in that pain as I felt like I wanted to die. Time has gone on but inside I worry all the time, my best friend and lover gone and I don't have respect for them inside but it too much like hard work to do anything.
I just live life expecting something again in future and know I won't stay. It's easier to plod on but I am broken and angry at myself for not been stronger back then.
My oh still has contact in a friendship with other person and they say that's all it ever was. Why lie about where you are then.
Please really think about all this as if same thing happened again I wouldn't have begged them to stay with me💔😰
I feel worthless and they are nice and kind and hardworking but inside I am broken and changed as a person. It ruined my life. As I was really happy at that time.

Regardless of whether it’s still classed as cheating or not, the end result is that he’s destroyed the trust within your marriage.

It’s the outcome of his actions that matter, not his reason for doing them.

Also if we split up I wouldn't bother been in relationship again as I really trusted them as my go to person but it's especially the comments they made to me really affected how I feel about myself. I am just very depressed inside and life is definitely not the same as I went from a very happy person to someone who is cynical and disappointed in people as my oh was my best friend.
I never thought they would treat me or say the things they said. It shocks me still and they have contact with other person every week even though they must know how difficult this is for me. I just smile sweetly but am davastated inside.
Other person a lot better looking than me so I feel crap all the time. I'm just generally sad but hide this from everyone. Don't stay if you got strength as you will never forget this time and never trust and your relationship is different now.
You would be better off single.