Partners porn problem

[Bella1994]

Hello looking for advise here is my back story-
I’ve been with a partner on and off for the last 3 and a half years. Our only issue in our relationship since early on has been his secrecy regarding porn use. We’ve broke up down to this we have a child and another one on the way. I feel like he is addicted and obviously this has played a huge role in my mental health but I do love him and I really want to make this work. He uses porn daily I’ve picked up on this. He spends about 30-60 mins in the toilet on his phone every night and again every morning. (Probally more but this is what I’ve noticed.) I checked his history and it’s site after site and even chat rooms. He constantly searches other woman in social media from our local area. We haven’t been together for months yet he is still a big part of my life and we see each other co parenting. I feel like he doesn’t respect me at all when it comes to other woman but I want to help him and believe he is a good person deep down. He has also payed onlyfans etc for womans content and it hurts. He’s never told me I’ve always found it but says he doesn’t have a issue. How can I try and bring this up you can tell he’s really ashamed but I want him to get help and realise it’s stopping him from building connections.

He’s an addict, move on.

How can I try and bring this up you can tell he’s really ashamed but I want him to get help and realise it’s stopping him from building connections.
You tell him that you, your child and your unborn child will be leaving him if it doesn't stop immediately. He won't stop though so I'd just leave now and save yourself the conversation.

You can’t help him if he doesn’t want help OP. You have to either accept that this is what your relationship would be like with him, or you move on. I strongly suggest option 2!

Of course it hurts that he is putting porn before a relationship with you, but he won’t ever change and it’s clear you deserve a lot more than him. Hold your head high and know your worth

This was my exact experience. I found out what he was doing when I was 8 weeks pregnant with our second son. He was on a weird site called ' tango' paying for other pics of women, talking to them , calling them beautiful etc. on onlyfans too. He said he'd stop , three months down the line he was at it again. He admitted he had a problem and would work on it.

I never left . I've since had our son and from my knowledge he hasn't done it again !

BUT im definitely always paranoid he's doing it, it's a horrible situation to be in.

So he’s your ex?

Hello so sorry you're going through this. Are you in the UK? If so I recommend the laurel centre for both of you.

For support you'll need to go over to love after porn on reddit lots of resources and support there.

He will need lots of support to stop/understand what he is doing and the repercussions it will cause in his life. You will need a csat/atsac and betrayal trauma specialist. Any other typical therapist will not understand this addiction and potentially cause more trauma.

You brain on porn website is great for understanding the science behind the addiction.

He is getting sexual gratification outside of your relationship. That's cheating. Of course you're upset. He needs therapy.

Porn is one thing
Live chat rooms with online prostitutes is another, he is cheating on you.

You'll probably get a few people tell you that pornography is normal but there's a big difference between regular pornography use and a porn addiction.

Take it from me, marrying and having kids with a porn addict thinking it was no big deal is possibly the biggest mistake I've ever made. Albeit in my case it got so bad it escalated to police, prison, social services and the sex offender registry.

Sorry but it doesn't sound like he wants to change at all.

It sounds like you want him to.

But that's not enough.