Do I just finish it?

[crueltobekindnamechange]

I've been seeing this guy for a few months, he's an old friend and we both found ourselves single. He's very nice, super nice. We get on well, and I am attracted to him. He smell amazing and sex has been great.

But he's too much..... he wants me to text and talk to him constantly, and it's just too much. He's completely OTT with telling me how amazing I am, how much he loves me, planning our future together etc etc.

I've tried to back off gently, but he ends up virtually inconsolable, can't eat or sleep. and texts me constantly begging to not end it and he'll do anything to keep me. And I end up giving in, and it ends up being all about what he wants and nothing to do with what I want.

I'm going to have to just end it, aren't it I? I hate being horrible to people, but I can't see any other way.

Yes if he's not listening to you. That does sound overwhelming!

He's text me 6 times today starting before 5am. Plus a 15 minute conversation on my drive to work, when I'd actually like some peace for my brain before work.

Please, yes, end it!
This guy is all about what he wants, what he needs, and is incapable of reflecting on how his actions make you feel.
So as long as you're satisfying his needs, it's all good.

This is a disaster waiting to happen.
Be careful though, odds are that he's not going to let you go easily. Be prepared to end things clearly, decisively and abruptly. Set stern boundaries and end all contact afterwards/ block on all social media.

Can you have a conversation to him about the many different ways on how people are within a relationship?
His & yours are different , they are both valid .
Perhaps you could work out a way that suits you both with a little give and take.
If after a while and it's still not working , at least you both tried .

This is what I'm worried about.....

Yeah that is way too much. He's using you as an emotional support human, not seeing you as a person with your own needs and wants.

We cannot get through life without sometimes causing other people pain. Whether we're ending a relationship, choosing one recruitment candidate over another, or telling our children that no we're not getting a takeaway tonight (😂) - sometimes our decisions will hurt other people. That doesn't mean it's the wrong decision.

If we are good people then we will make that decision and communicate it as kindly as possible - and in this guy's case, it sounds like the kindliest thing will be to be very very clear with him that there is NO going back and that you've made up your mind and won't be changing it. He already has a pattern of wearing you down with emotional blackmail so don't leave the door open even a chink. Be firm.

@crueltobekindnamechange
He's text me 6 times today starting before 5am. Plus a 15 minute conversation on my drive to work, when I'd actually like some peace for my brain before work

Reading your post , scratch my advice about having a chat about it . That's way too much contacting you!
It sounds like hard going , get rid !

You're right to be worried. He's going to give you a hard time when you end things.
But just think of it this way.

He smothers you, because you fulfill an emotional need for him.
Once he realises that you're not filling that need anymore, he might get angry at first and lash out, but then he'll let you go.
How do you stop fulfilling this need? Stop being nice to him, stop comforting him, stop reassuring him. Basically, become the worst, most selfish bitch you can imagine. Make sure that any interaction you have with him serves none of his emotional needs.
That's the fastest way to get him to let you go.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation Thank you, firmness is definitely required.

I'm not a weak person, I have a very responsible job etc etc, but I think he's worn me down a bit.

Argh, I couldn't be doing with that.

If you've already said to him this is too intense (which I get the sense you have?) and all that does is drive him to beg you to stay, rather than any change in behaviour, then yes, you have to end it. Because ultimately, he's not willing to even consider your boundaries.

I have told him this, several times. And he phones and texts me constantly telling me how he'll change, but then he doesn't and I'm still overwhelmed with the constant need for contact and reassurance. How he just needs me in his life etc etc.

I feel like I've been love bombed, but now I realise what's going on.

I've tried to back off gently, but he ends up virtually inconsolable, can't eat or sleep. and texts me constantly begging to not end it and he'll do anything to keep me.

Run for your life. Text him that it's over and that you will no longer communicate with him. Then block.

In this case, yup, you have to just end it. Polite, but firm, "I'm sorry, it's clear we can't give each other what we each need. I wish you all the best".

A big thank you to you all, I'm going to do it tonight. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

You need to get him out of your life quickly and permanently. He is manipulating you and it's working.

You weren't put on this earth to make men feel good, and save their feelings. Save your own.

And block him straight afterwards. Otherwise he'll be calling and texting non stop.
Does he have your address? Might be worth investing in a ring doorbell if he does.

I have a Ring doorbell, dogs and my exh is around if I need him.