So conflicted and sad

[AreSomeGoldfishJustDicks]

Been together with DP for just over 7 years. Fell pregnant accidentally with our first DD after 2 months but we were happy.

He's not from the UK so the differences in culture have always presented themselves.

I was a SAHM for 4 years and in this time had a second DD. I was always happy to do all the cooking, cleaning etc as I was home with the girls and he was working full time.
I started working from home 2 years ago and since then have found it a struggle to maintain the same arrangement while working full time.

We have had our issues in the past and have broken up but managed to sort it out before I moved out and things were good for a while.
It's all come to a head again since he left his job in December and decided to try another line of work from home, not making money just yet though.

He started spending every waking minute of the day on his computer and more recently gaming too and chatting to people all night on his headset.

I got very upset that he wasn't even bothering to spend time with us and the more I said about it, I see the more he didn't care and pulled away.

So I told him I've had enough, I feel like we're a burden to him and it's like we're not even here. He told me he spends all his time on the PC cause I'm always moody 🙄.

We had a heart to heart and agreed it was for the best to split. He did say we have had no chemistry since our eldest was born and we were only together for the kids.
I did not disagree but it did hurt to hear him say that. We have been happy most of the time over the years.
Although resentment is really setting in on my side lately.

Please though, why do I feel so heartbroken?
I am facing a peaceful life now without the control and finally can make decisions for myself which I know will benefit my DD's.
But why do I want him to tell me he's made a mistake. I know it's the right thing to do, to split, but it hurts.

And I'm really struggling to find a private rent on my own, which is stressing me out even more.

Sometimes it's easier to just stay with what you know right, even if you're not 100% happy?

You’re mourning the life you thought you’d have. But he’s become selfish, and doesn’t want to be in your family, that’s his choice. Move on and be fabulous for your girls, show them that they dont need a man.

You're right. I think maybe my ego is hurt more.

I'm sure I will be happier on my own with my girls.. it's just getting there first.

Why is it you and your children who have to leave your current home and not him?

I don't think anyone would think it unreasonable that you're sad your marriage has ended. Mourning describes it really well - very few people marry expecting it not to work.

But if you go back to him because you feel really sad, it will only be a temporary plaster. You'll be back in the old situation & will very likely end up having to go through this heartache again.

My only advise would be not to do anything spur of the moment. Sleep on any urges to tell him you've changed your mind & take it day by day.

You could also be feeling like that because he finds it so easy to dismiss and reject you and his beautiful DD’s, and for what exactly!!

If anything he should be pleading for you to stay and doing everything in his power to make you want to stay.

You are definitely doing the right thing. It must be hell on earth living with a selfish and reckless partner like him.

Once you’re away from him, that awful feeling you are having will go and the sun will shine again.

Don’t give up you will get there and this nightmare will be over.

You really need to leave this man for your own MH and sanity. He sounds truly awful and you sound far too good to be with such a loser.

Unfortunately, he owns the house and we are not married. I don't have any rights to it whatsoever.

Thank you for all your replies.

I think that's it, he should be wanting us to stay but he just seems so unbothered.
We are actually getting on great, chatting day to day but it seems he's just happy we might be going soon? I don't know.

There's so much that's happened over the years that to me it seems normal but when I say it out loud, it's really not good.

He's made me feel like the loser for a long time; definitely that he is superior to me as he is interested in more important things rather than "friends and true crime stories" as he puts it.
I've never felt good enough.

I need to use this as a sounding board to remind me of why I'm doing the right thing.

Do you know, he complained at me once because I do not hoover the walls 🥹 after an 8 hour shift, school runs, dinner and basic kitchen cleaning.. I didn't hoover the walls though..